The Greatest Enemy
by Represent
Summary: Roy is plagued by Edward's presence long after he died and, spurred by Ed's wishes and his guilt, he moves to try and right some of the wrongs he let happen during the last ten years , RoyEd, Character Death, dark
1. PROLOGUE

The Greatest Enemy

_represent_

_Summary_: The story of Roy Mustang, who - after loosing everyone important in his life - is trying to fix what he can with the help of someone that shouldn't exist.  
_Warnings_: RoyEd. Semi-graphic, and language. More mature themes.  
_A/N_: This story can get really confusing. I tend to love writing characters that are not exactly stable mentally. If you are confused by this prologue, stick with me.

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"White lilies? Really? You couldn't think of anything more creative?"

Nagging, always nagging.

Roy straightened up slowly from where he had been placing the flowers down, pausing for a long moment of tired exasperation before he turned a little to spare a quick glance at the blond who was standing a few feet behind him, arms crossed. There was a full pout on full lips and his hips jutted out in what could have been defiance had it been for anyone else but Roy, but instead was an invitation. Roy then turned back to the grave without giving Fullmetal an answer. There was nothing really to be said at the moment, anymore. Between them. Edward seemed to sniff that he wasn't wanted at the moment, but was too much of a brat to leave like normal. Ignoring Roy's glum mood he instead he paced a few times behind him before at least providing him some sort of space by walking down the rows and rows of white military graves. His presence was so full in the air that Roy didn't have to look behind him to know he was there, to know exactly where he was. The air was crackling like it usually did whenever Fullmetal decided to visit.

And of course, Edward was never very quiet. He liked to be noticed by Roy. His metal hand clicking off of each headstone as he retreated, for the moment. _Click click click click click_…

A soft reproach hovered in the air as he left like a breath, a gentle reminder a mother cast her son, "You better have gotten me flowers, for once…Hughes can't even hear you anymore..."

Mustang closed his eyes for a moment before he breathed out a calming breath and attempted to ignore the younger alchemist and looked down at the lilies that were already catching the morning dew on their leaves. He had insisted on coming to the cemetery early. Mainly because no one came this early and he never liked to be seen when paying his respects. The sun had poked up about two hours ago and although it was still a little chilly it looked like it was going to be a warm summer day. There were only sparce clouds, but whether they were smog or not was debatable. Whether the fog would clear off by midday, Roy didn't know.

"Maes, everything's a mess." He sighed, crouching down a little, wishing that Hughes had not died. Wishing a lot of people hadn't died. "I can't fix it anymore, and on top of that I'm convinced I'm crazy."

He paused for a second in which no sign, no breeze, no floating leaf or sudden rainfall happened. The gravestone remained un-cracked, the sun was peering just the same through the cloud - a beam of light not withstanding. Just like every other time he had ever visited Maes there was no sign to say he still existed. He was left with nothing to say that Maes was still there somehow, in peace. Roy, who had never believed in anything like heaven or hell, gave a sigh and pushed himself up. Hoping, for a naïve moment, that maybe Hughes could give some sort of advice from beyond the grave. He hoped this every time he came here and only ended up disappointed and more lost than before he came. Perhaps Hughes simply didn't have any sort of advice to give. Maybe Hughes was in agreement with Roy that, yes, everything was a mess that couldn't be fixed. And yes, Roy was in a downward spiral. Perhaps this was all just some sort of plan, maybe he had never meant to be happy.

Dark eyes flicked up away from the headstone and across the dots of white to see Fullmetal who had slowed down and had stopped up near a tree, staring down at something - a headstone. It was the first time that the alchemist had come along for the visit, usually he left Roy alone when it came to paying respects. To which, Roy was grateful for. The constant hovering of the younger man was unnerving. It was even more unnerving to look into the face of someone that shouldn't be here at all while standing over his... Roy sighed before grabbing the second bouquet and moved after him. As he grew closer he could see mixed emotions on Edward's face. Confusion, betrayal, grief, pain..

Even as Roy stood next to him, Fullmetal didn't look up.

The headstone was smaller than every other one in the cemetery. A simple plate in the ground that designated a special spot to represent someone that had - once - lived. There was no inscription on it, no engraving, no name. Already the grass had started to grow over and around the modest small white slab of marble. In five years it would be covered in moss and hidden from view, no one but Roy ever knowing what it was there for, what it stood for. Roy himself had placed it here. There was no body underneath it, and, if the authorities knew what it represented they would have gotten rid of it instantly and arrested Roy for treachery. But, he owed it to the deceased. Or perhaps he owed it to himself, to give himself a place to properly grieve.

He placed the second bouquet down, the sunflowers large enough to cover up the whole plate. A splash of yellow among the white.

"You knew those were my favorite this whole time. You bastard." Edward finally spoke, voice gritty and remarkably intact, considering it was his gravestone. His usually annoyed tone was still there, but it was different than before. Roy knew that looking at the blatant proof that he was dead was affecting Edward on some level despite his brave attempts to appear otherwise.

"You never told me. But I knew." Roy answered softly. "You always picked them up when I was paying for groceries. You never thought I was looking."

Edward was silent for a long moment before he turned and glared at the other. The accusation in his eyes was so strong it made Roy swallow and glance up at the sun. He'd rather get blinded by that than have to face the two golden ones leveling painful looks at him. Accusation on so many levels, ones that Roy couldn't even begin to sort through.

"None of this was supposed to happen like this." Roy told him softly.

"Really?" Edward asked sharply, looking up away from the grave and to the sky for a moment, "What was supposed to happen instead?"

"I don't know." Roy admitted, "Not this." _Anything but this._

"I told you, over and over. I warned you that I knew what was coming and you didn't listen to me. You never listened to me." Edward started to accuse, eyes darting down from the sky and over to the other, eyes dark.

"Let's not talk about this here." Roy stated under his breath, seeing a couple walking up a path in the distance. For all they knew he was talking to himself. Not altogether strange in a cemetery, but arguing in the air was bound to be considered strange. He bent his head down a little, a soft frown on his face. The first time Edward had appeared to him he had drank in the other hungrily, it was only now after a few months of this that, even to Roy, it felt normal for Fullmetal to be here - speaking to him.

"Where then? Isn't my grave the perfect spot to talk about how it got there?" Roy glanced at the blond before giving a soft shake of his head.

The angry expression on Edward's face fell and instead a look of horror and devastation - one that he had worn for the last few years of his life, replaced it. It was something Roy could deal with. He had more experience in this Edward, rather than the anger. Of course, he had experience in Edward's small tantrums and bursts of unfounded fury. It was this anger that Roy didn't know how to handle. It was the fact that Edward was rightfully mad at him, for something truly WORTHY of being mad about. It made him uncomfortable.

"My own grave..." Edward repeated, looking smacked in the face, his voice soft as he echoed himself. Not quite believing, stunned for a moment. His eyes were dismal as he looked back down at the flowers, coming to grips with the fact that he was dead before he turned to look at Roy, "You told me to trust you." Edward reminded, voice sounding lost and, in some ways, this reproach was worse on Roy's heart than yelling.

"You shouldn't have believed me." Roy answered softly, "I had no clue what I was doing. I was in over my head."

To admit this was hard. But the past year had taught Roy that he really didn't have any sort of control over certain things. All confidence he had in himself had been lost after Al's death. One failure, after the other. Edward's death had perhaps been the nail in his own coffin. All his scheming and leadership had proven faulty. Now he was just left empty in a world that was horrific.

Edward paused, a shift in his face instantly. Whenever Roy started to beat himself down it was as if a switch was flicked. It was perhaps the biggest proof that this Edward was not real, because Edward would never act like this. Would never look at him with sad sympathy like that, wouldn't be able to truly _understand_ the way that he did in that look. He was silent for a long moment before he sighed softly and glanced away, watching the elderly couple walk up the pathway slowly for a moment before regathering his thoughts, pulling his hood up over his hair to shield his face from the sun. The shadow was cast over his eyes and he bit his lip for a moment of uncertainty before facing the other again.

"I hate you." He reminded the man, "For doing this to me."

"Come on." Roy invited softly, moving away from the grave after a moment to invite the other back to the car, back to his house. They spared a glance back and forth, a question being pranced between them both. This Edward knew Roy way too well. And perhaps he knew because he was just an extension of Roy's subconscious mind - part of Roy's insanity, or perhaps the real Edward had actually known. Roy would never know the truth. It didn't matter how many times Roy asked him, pleaded with him, to tell him the truth. Because if Roy didn't know, Edward didn't know. And this was the root of the problem. Because while they might go back home and share heavy kisses and thrusts Roy knew that this Edward wasn't real. And the deeper question of just where Fullmetal came from was more disturbing. Because if Edward really was just all an extension of his own mind, wasn't it himself that he was sharing sheets with?

"What, you aren't going to say a few words, dipshit?" Edward raised an eyebrow with a wolfish smirk which only widened at Roy's suffering sigh. The blond took that as a no and straightened up, dusting off the grass on his knees. He was clad in his signature red jacket and black pants. Something he hadn't actually worn for the last ten years, which was further proof to Roy that this Edward was just a result of his grief-ridden mind and not an actual spirit. Roy always knew he had an amazing imagination.

"Why are you here, Edward?" Roy asked softly. It was something that Edward had no real answer for. Of course not, Roy thought to himself, if he didn't know, he couldn't expect Edward to give any sort of insight. The blond simply paused, eyes wide, and glanced around the cemetery as if waking up for the first time. Confusion and doubt ridden all over his freckled face for a long moment before he gave a simply shrug. "You wanted me here." He answered after a long moment. For that could be the only real reason why Edward had come in the first place.

And whether this answer delved deeper into why Edward was here at all, not just at the cemetery, but still persistently invading Roy's life, was uncertain. Even though Fullmetal was here, solid, next to him, Roy didn't believe in spirits, or in ghosts. And if Edward was none of these things he could only be a hallucination. It wasn't surprising to Roy that he had cracked, but what exactly his mind was trying to do to him he had no clue. And Edward, from that part of his mind, was the only thing that could perhaps tell him. But whenever Roy attempted to get the small alchemist to talk Edward was prove to be infuriatingly frustrating.

Fullmetal scrunched his nose up at the other, giving an adorable little smirk that a cheshire cat might give. It was the same smile that was sitting on Roy's mantlepiece at home, framed in a picture. Roy couldn't help but let his shoulders slump against it.

"Can't tell ya." Edward whispered, not needing to speak to know what Roy was thinking, "You want me here, don't lie. Admit you want me."

"I want somebody." Roy admitted softly, lonliness panging inside of him like a hammer against his chest. Hard to breath.

"No." Edward whispered, coming closer until he was pressed along the other. Roy looked past his head, chin dusting along the strands of hair, tickling his throat. "You want _me_."

The 'me' was heady with meaning. Roy wanted Edward, not the Edward he had watched get blown to bits, not the Edward that had screamed at him and punched him in the chest, that had dared him to kill him while straddling him in their bed. That had blamed him through looks and had descended into a kind of depressive madness so deep and dark that Roy hadn't even understood the entire scope of how very _lost_ Edward Elric had been to him in those last few months. 'Me' was Fullmetal, the kid with the red coat that was pressing smirking peachy lips against his jugular right now. Spark and spunk in his eyes and a tilt of his jaw, ready to fight, passionate. 'Me' was forgiveness for what he had done, what he had ignored until it was too late, forgiveness he was sure that he would never give to himself. 'Me' being a life that, had they erased the last ten years and started over, perhaps the could have tasted. Yes, he wanted it. Roy swallowed, feeling the younger alchemists's tongue against his neck for a moment, devilishly quick and teasing before Fullmetal pulled back suddenly and reached down, ripping off a sunflower with such violence it made Roy flinch.

"Never did get why people talked to dirt." Edward muttered to himself as he flicked a bit of his hair out of his face, pulling the flower apart slowly, maniacally as he turned to follow the other back to the car, eyes narrowed on the stem of the flower as he ripped and tore at it, his face remaining blank and peaceful.

"I saw you talk to dirt more than once." Roy told him as they wound their way back through the thousands of headstones, remembering fondly of when he and Edward would go back to Risembool to visit and he would stand leaning against the car, waiting, for the blond to finish visiting his mother's grave.

"Yeah whatever." Edward grumbled.

Roy smiled.

He didn't pause to look back at him, making his way back down to his car after a moment. He didn't even move to open the passenger door for the other, walking around and ducking down into the driver's seat. When he looked up Edward had appeared next to him already in the driver's seat, hood down and jacket off. It was lying across the backseat like a sign, possessive, the flower was gone out of his hands and he was toying with a strand of his hair with a soft frown.

"I think I need to get a haircut." Edward stated and the irony of a dead person needing a haircut wasn't lost on the other who simply snorted and started the car. The younger looked up with a startled glance, seemingly not understanding what was so funny about that as he labored over his split ends. He dropped his hair eventually, face growing tired and bored after a moment as he leaned against the window, looking outside at the street where people were starting to bustle to work. His left hand sneaking over after a long moment, taking the other's in his own and Roy pondered as he drove home, just how this could all be in his mind and yet seem so real. How he could ever properly grieve over the loss of this lover when he saw him everyday like this. Sure, this younger version of Edward was not the man that Roy had shared a bedroom with for the last few years, but it was still Ed. His mannerisms were Ed, his anger was pure Fullmetal, how he talked, even how he walked... it was all so real. Maybe this was his eternal punishment for fucking up so badly.

* * *

The next chapter will go back to the beginning. Kind of.


	2. THE PAST: I

The Greatest Enemy

_represent_

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- TEN YEARS AGO -

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"These came in for you today."

"Carnations." Roy glanced up briefly from his desk, seeing the blond standing there with the boquet in one hand, "I'm assuming you read the note?"

Edward simply tossed them on the desk with a frown. He obviously did not find the flowers all that amusing, and didn't like that knowing smile that had worked its way onto Roy's mouth. Mouth that he had kissed, and that other women had kissed. Whatever 'this' was had started out as not serious, but it had changed. Suddenly Mustang's mistresses irked him a lot more than they had before. And flowers being delivered to Roy's office were pissing him off. Especially because Roy knew how much Edward hated to deliver the hard proof that Mustang was still courting other women.

"Carnations are cheap." Edward snapped, "If dinner last night was actually as good as she claims it is than she should have at least bought roses."

The card was opened and Edward flung it across the oak desk. Roy glanced at it, flipping it open, scanning the note and flipping to the side - disinterested already.

Edward paused for a moment, eyes narrowed as he took in the other across from him who was already scanning the paperwork in front of him again. He stayed there until Roy was forced to look up and raise an eyebrow.

"Yes, Fullmetal?" He asked, "Is that all?"

"I was just wondering if perhaps you had any real _work_ for me to do."

"I'd rather not send you out and have you destroy something else."

"You know that wasn't my fault." Edward snapped.

"Your fault or not, you have an amazing track record with assignments and I already have enough paperwork as it is. Besides General Hakuro already suspended you from the field for another two weeks."

Edward bristled, frustrated. He had spent the last week locked up in an office doing nothing after having assisted with the police to track down a bank robber and ended up chasing the man down, destroying half of Grand Central Bank. But, in his defense the majority of the damage had been the robber's doing. It still didn't stop Hakuro from writing him up and keep him from doing anything else for the next few weeks and Mustang was doing nothing to try and speed up the order. If anything Edward was sure that Mustang liked the fact that Edward was always in the office. Edward at first was convinced the man was trying to protect him for some insane annoying reason, but Edward was realizing it wasn't so much chivalry as it was laziness. Edward had become his new errand boy.

"I can't just sit around in this office all day anymore." Edward mumbled, glaring at the other, "Its driving me crazy."

"Edward, the few things that I've asked of you in the past week you have failed to accomplish. What makes you think that I'll talk to Hakuro about letting you on another assignment?"

Edward gaped.

"What haven't I accomplished?" He hissed, voice raising.

"I asked you to recheck the budget that Hawkeye put together last week and I still haven't received it. And not only that but you failed to attend the mandatory meeting last Monday."

"It was Al's _graduation you ass!_" Edward was fuming now, "All it was about was sexual harrassment in the workplace and believe me I know all about _that _already."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Roy mused, smirking.

"Fuck you." Edward scowled.

"Look." Roy sighed, entwining his fingers, "Ever since you got Alphonse's body back you've been flinging yourself into things without thinking. Maybe this order is a good thing. I was hoping it would give you time to settle for a moment. You haven't stopped and really taken a breath since you got your bodies back."

Perhaps a year ago Edward would have childishly denied that, but the man was right. Not that it was any of his business. Last time Edward had checked Roy and he were nothing other than casually dating, and Roy had made it abundantly clear that Edward wasn't the only one he had been casually dating while he was courting him. It wasn't any of Roy's business how Edward handled his assignments when he had never cared before how Edward got them done as long as he got them done in the end. Edward's glare was heated and calculating. If he was being truthful to himself, he really cared about Roy. The more Mustang made him deliver fucking flowers from other women into his office the more angry Edward got - the more he was convinced that he loved the man. Despite the claims that Roy gave him that the women were just a cover, that he didn't care about him the same way - Edward couldn't help but not believe it.

"Why do you make me do this? Is it to rub it in my face?" Edward asked, gesturing to the carnations.

Roy blinked.

"Of course not." He answered smoothly, "You're the only one that doesn't have extremely important work to finish by the end of the day."

"Which you don't give me to do!" Edward yelled, frustrated, "Do you not trust me?"

"Calm down." Roy stated getting up and closing the door, seeing Riza glance up, startled at Edward's suddenly aggrivated voice. Roy pulled the shade on the window before he grabbed Edward's arm, attempting to pull him closer but Edward yanked his elbow free, leveling a glare at the man.

"What the _fuck _Roy? I hate this. What are we doing? I can't stand it."

Roy let go of the man, knowing Edward wasn't going to be persuaded to calm down anytime soon, wishing they could have this conversation somewhere else, but inside he had known it was going to happen soon. He had just hoped it would have been not in his office.

"I trust you with everything." Edward stated quietly, "And you won't even trust me to let me do any real work. You don't tell me shit."

Roy cut across smoothly, " If I didn't trust you I wouldn't have started a relationship with you." Although not denying the fact that he didn't tell Edward anything that didn't involve him directly.

"Oh is that what this is?" Edward snapped, challenging, "Because I'm pretty sure that's what those other ladies think as well. Do you trust them as much as you trust me? Or am I just another one of them?"

Roy had started this fling with Edward out of curiosity, lust, and if he was being quite honest with himself he had known that Edward would understand and be okay with it just being physical. It was only after Edward had gotten Alphonse's body back that he had changed. Before Al's return they had had hurried rushed sex each time that Edward had come back to Central. It had never gone any further than that. Until recently. And now Roy wasn't so sure what they were anymore. He hadn't ever intended to - god forbid - _love_ Edward or treat Fullmetal like he would someone he was courting but it had just started to fall into place. Edward had come back, in a rush, face bright and arm and leg whole again. They had tumbled into bed only, it was different, it was as if it was a promise or a beginning. As Edward's journey ended theirs began. Roy hadn't realized the full intentions of waking up and seeing Edward had actually spent the night until he was making breakfast for the other and suddenly it struck him that they were a couple.

"Quit messing with me." Edward demanded, eyes distraught.

"Edward, we've been through this before." Roy stated softly, "The women are a cover. I never do anything with them but buy them dinner."

Edward's eyes gazed at the other, searching, probing for some kind of giveaway, something to prove that Mustang was lying.

"Why can't you stop with them?" Edward asked after a moment.

"I have always had the women." Roy grated out, "If I suddenly stopped it would be extremely suspicious. Besides half of them are old friends and moles that I've had for quite a long time."

Edward blinked.

"What?" He asked.

"I said..." Roy mumbled, "Most of the women work for me."

Edward stared at the other dumbly for a long moment.

"Why did you tell me this?" He hissed, hurt.

"You never asked or cared before...I didn't know that it bothered you as much as it obviously did."

Edward's eyes were stuck on the carnations for a long moment as if he was trying to proccess this, trying, and failing, to understand why Roy hadn't told him this sooner. Not knowing exactly why this was so important, not knowing how they had ended up in something way more serious than what whatever it had been before. His mouth moved a few times as if he was struggling to say something a few times, tossing each sentance out the window before he had a full and coherent thought.

"So you... and them, its all an act? How can I know you're not lying? How come you never told me? You never tell me anything."

"You just have to trust me." Mustang stated softly, peering at the other, he chanced grabbing onto Fullmetal's arm again, this time Edward was limp and pliable and fell into his chest without a painful punch in the stomach or ripping out of his grasp. The blond blinked a few times against Roy's rough jacket, obviously trying to convince himself to trust in the other. It had been this way for a while, the trust issue had always been there between them - a sticking point. No matter how many times Roy proved to Edward that he wasn't trying to manipulate him, the fact was that Roy was extremely good at manipulating and had twisted Edward around in the past to his will. Never maliciously of course, and all when Edward had been a naive young boy. It would be a lot harder to try and trick Edward now that he was a man. Especially because Fullmetal wasn't stupid by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, his intellect was perhaps his biggest fault.

He thought too much. This was just another example.

The blond was stiff against him, thinking, so loudly it almost hurt. Churning over things, and Roy could do nothing but stand there and wait until Edward had decided if he believed the man and if he was forgiven yet.

Finally after a minute Edward poked his head up away from the other's chest and peered up at him.

"I trust you." He decided, "But I need out of this office. And I'm not delivering your fucking flowers. And if I catch you doing anything other than getting information from them I'll kill you."

It was a very real threat. Roy merely kissed the other on the forehead.

"You have another week of probation." He intoned, looking over the blond's face. Edward had changed, a lot, in the past year. He was more restless than ever, ready to do whatever, whenever, without thinking. Which, his younger self was very similar in that aspect, the level of recklessness Roy had witnessed was enough to make him concerned. Edward was a lot quieter than he had been, his thoughts were all in his head now whereas before he would blurt out what he thought without caring about the consequences. It made it much more difficult to read him, to know what he would do. And, to a certain extent, it worried Roy. There were nights when he would come home and find the other waiting in his house with no explanation, the way Edward would cling to him one minute and then shove him away the next.. it was strange. The bank incident was only one on a long list of things that Edward had done that proved he was a little unstable at the moment.

Edward wouldn't hear it, whenever Roy tried to talk to him about what he was thinking about he would clam up.

"Are you going to come over tonight?" Roy asked after a moment, stepping away from the blond and instead grabbing the carnations and putting them in the trash can. Edward seemed to like this action and was staring calculatingly at the other. He seemed to churn the idea around for a moment before he shrugged and nodded.

"I get off at five."

"I know." Roy smirked, settling back down in his chair.

"Here's you fucking budget report." Edward snapped, pulling the paper out from his folder he had in his hands.

"You actually did it?" Roy asked.

"Don't sound so surprised. I took my time with it because its the only thing you gave me to do. I don't know what I'm going to do now, probably go and clean the toilets or something." Edward stated reproachfully.

Roy snorted. Somehow he doubted it.

"If you're so bored why don't you find something constructive to do with your time." Roy suggested, grabbing the report and scanning it with interested, almost as if he found it hard to believe that Edward had willingly sat there and added all this up when it was so beneath him.

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Build something, read something.." Roy rattled off, whirling his hand. Edward could feel he was already dismissed and stared at Mustang, hard, enough to make the hairs on the back of his neck stand up and black eyes flicked up from the report as he watched Edward study him for a long moment. The blond merely glared at him before swirling around and leaving in a huff - slamming the door behind him and making Roy wince a little at the way the blind he had pulled flew off and smashed back against the pane. It seemed that Edward always left that way now. Roy leaned on his hand, troubled for a moment, unsure of what was irritating Edward, knowing it couldn't be as easy as the fact that he was _bored_.

Or perhaps it was, Edward had never been too complicated. And Roy tended to overcomplicate things. But there was something deeper that was going on that Roy couldn't figure out, that the blond wouldn't let him help with.

* * *

It was late when Roy was able to get home. He could see already, however, a light on in the kitchen window. Edward must have waited for him. There was a soft feeling of content, a pleasant hum that coursed through his body at the thought of Edward waiting for him as he moved up the stairs and tested the front doorknob. The door fell open for him and he moved inside, wiping his feet and going through his slow routine of taking off his coat and his shoes. The smell of food instantly attacked his sensed and the sound of music from the kitchen radio. He should have known, Edward would have eaten without him. The punk probably took food out of his fridge as well. He sniffed.

"Edward, if you better not have eaten all the chicken I bought yesterday.." He started, calling over the music, able to tell that was what had been baking in his kitchen by smell alone as he strode after the blond.

When he turned the corner he blinked, looking down at the table that was laid out with two plates and sets of silverware. His eyes darted up to the blonde who was humming softly along to the tune that was blasting out of the radio, intent on whatever he was cooking and unable to hear Roy's previous threat. Roy was stunned for a moment, taking in the sight of an almost domesticated Fullmetal. Well, perhaps that was taking it too far, he thought, as he watched Edward tap the spatula against the pan hard with the drum beats of the rock song, flinging bits of seasoning up near the ceiling. His red jacket was slung hazardously across the countertop and his boots were right in the middle of the walkway into the kitchen as if Edward suddenly _had_ to take them off while he was walking into the room.

Roy watched, almost magnetized, as Edward dipped a metal finger into a pan of sizzling sauce and came out unscathed, pausing for a moment for the digit to cool before tasting it, pink tongue darting out.

It was then that Edward spun around, and jumped hard - flinging the spatula and knocking the handle of the hot pan, causing it to crash and clatter off of the stove.

"SHIT!" Edward yelled, grabbing the hot pan with his metal hand before it toppled off the counter and spilled the chicken. "What the HELL, you scared the shit out of me."

He started to mumble but nothing was really audible over the music. Roy bent to pick up the spatula, placing it in the sink and grabbing a towel to start to try and clean up some of the hurricane of a mess Edward had caused to his kitchen, knocking the radio off as he did.

"You made dinner?" Roy was surprised, usually Edward had already treated himself to his things and Roy ended up ordering takeout.

"Yeah." Edward stated, plopping the chicken down on the table.

"Where'd you learn how to cook this?"

Edward pointed briefly at a book that was lying, open, on the counter.

"Took your advice."

"You cleaned the toilet too?

"I went to the library and read." Edward snapped, tossing him a glare.

Roy poked a bit at the chicken, it looked edible. Althought, it was burned a bit on the bottom.

"Did you grease the pan?" He asked absently as he moved to get cups.

Edward didn't answer, which Roy took as a no. The blond poked at the food, trying to pry it off the bottom of the pan, his attempts fruitless. Roy blew out a small noise of frustration but couldn't bring himself to be irritated by the fact that his kitchen was a mess, that Edward's shoes had nearly tripped him, or that this pan was going to have chicken crusted onto it like hard glue. Instead he slumped into the chair, exhausted, and gave the blond a smile - despite all the cleaning and work Edward had made for him, the fact that he had made dinner was nice.

"I'm still not going to talk to Hakuro." Roy murmered as he cut the chicken for them, watching Edward sit across from him and eye the chicken hungrily. The gold eyes flicked up, amused.

"Not even after I slaved on this dinner for you?"

"All you made was chicken. Did you think to make something to go with it?" Roy asked.

Edward paused, looking down at the empty table.

"No." He admitted, "We have bread though."

"I have bread." Roy corrected. Edward made a noise as if it didn't matter. Roy was starting to wonder if maybe it didn't. Edward had basically been living in his house for the past week. It was starting to get serious before Roy had even realized that they were together.

"Whatever." Edward muttered, "Just be fucking thankful and eat it."

"Yes, sir."

It was good, which was surprising. A little dry, but the seasoning tasted good. Roy was so hungry he would eat just about anything at this point, however. Edward always ate anything anyways, so together they made a good team tonight. Besides, Roy wasn't about to give Ed a hard time, seeing as perhaps Edward making dinner for him could be made into a routine. He smiled softly at the thought of coming home to a warm meal, it was almost as good as the thought of coming home to Edward.

The blond wasn't really paying him much attention, all attention was on feeding himself. This was normal, however. Edward hardly spoke when he ate.

If Edward was still upset about their small fight early today he wasn't letting it show. Edward tended to forgive things like that quickly. He laboured over them intensely for a day or so and then let it go. Roy however, knew that it wouldn't be this easy. Edward was still upset about the underlying cause of the miscommunication. The fact that he hadn't told him, and the fact that they hadn't talked about whether or not they were exclusive. Both points that were hovering in the air, unable to be approached. Edward, not wanting to get the truth, Roy not wanting to spoil this nice little moment.

Edward finished first, as usual, and Roy glanced up at him, chewing slowly.

"I want it to just be you and me." Edward blurted, eyes staring the other down.

Roy finished his bite.

"It is just you and me." Roy answered.

"I mean, for real." Edward stated, "I want to... be with you." He was struggling now, "I want to be together."

Roy paused, realizing that, that was basically what this was now. There was no chance he could backtrack on Edward now, there was no way that he could lie and say they weren't exclusive like they had been in the past. Ever since Edward had come back Roy had treated this like they were dating. Ever since Edward had come back Roy hadn't had any urge to see anyone else. In fact, the thought of Edward being with anyone other than him was enough to make his hands ball into fists and his stomach curl.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Ed." Roy sighed, "Its only been you ever since you came back."

"I just want.. you to say it."

Roy paused, looking at the blond, knowing how much it meant for Edward to hear it, even though it had been true for the past almost month. It wasn't something that Roy ever felt comfortable with saying or admitting simply because he hadn't really thought of anyone as seriously as he thought of Edward. He truly cared about Ed.

"We are together." Roy relented, "Now can I finish my chicken in peace?"

A bright grin danced across Edward's face at that and he nodded, getting up in a whirl and putting his plate in the dish. Roy at the rest of the chicken in silence, wondering exactly what this entailed, a little alarmed at how quickly it had happened, more alarmed with how easy it had been. Sure, Edward and he didn't get along very well in general. When they were together they were nearly always butting heads, but, perhaps that's what made whatever _this _was so doable. Edward always kept him on his toes.

This dinner was just another example of that, the bank just another, a real flesh arm and leg just along the list describing the unpredictable nature of the other.

"I can't wait for next week." Edward was complaining from the next room. Trust Ed not to have enough manners to sit with Roy while he finished eating. The blond had plopped himself on the couch, sprawling along it and he looked up only as Roy got up from the kitchen and moved to grin at the other. "I'm so _bored_."

"I apologize for being so boring, Fullmetal." Roy smirked, leaning down to press his lips near where Edward had flung his head back on the armrest, arms on either side of his head. Edward twisted a little to peer up at the man, eyes flicking back to the kitchen. The suggestion in Roy's voice at how to make this night a little less boring was clear and Edward allowed a slow smile to crawl along his face as he dipped deeper into the couch, twisting and opening himself up as a clear invitation that made Roy's eyes darken.

"You didn't eat all your chicken." Edward chided.


	3. THE PRESENT: I

The Greatest Enemy

_represent_

* * *

"Chicken."

"Yeah. I read it in the book you keep under the sink. Its from the library, how come you never returned it?" Edward tilted his head at him after proposing his idea for dinner. He hadn't left ever since the ride back from the cemetery. "I was thinking we could go and get some of the ingredients. You don't have shit anymore in your fridge, how are you not starving?"

"Edward-"

"And it looks good. I haven't cooked in ages, but it can't be that hard-"

"I'm not hungry."

Edward fell silent and gazed up at the other from his perch on the couch, his lips tense and a soft sigh rounding his shoulders. He placed the book down. Roy had never returned it. Edward had left it, cooked from it, for years. The blond had apparently forgotten he had once made that same recipe for him one night. It was enough to send a chill through Roy's spine to witness a small fraction of proof that this Edward was not his Edward. Enough to rid him of any thought of food.

"Its only noon. I meant I could make it for dinner." Edward stated slowly after a moment.

"No thank you." Roy dismissed quietly, making Edward bristle a little with annoyance.

"What the hell, I'm just trying to be nice." He muttered, "Asshole."

Roy gave a soft grin but it faltered halfway as he watched the blond get up in a huff and whirl out of the room. He was then left very alone. There was only the sound of the ticking of the clock across the way and he regretted making Edward irritated for a moment, never knowing when Ed would come back after he left. Unsure if he should be happy that Edward was gone, or sad. He liked it when Edward visited, but knew that it was only proof that something was direly wrong with him. He sighed, shifting in his chair and flipping through the paper slowly, trying to ignore the hollow empty feel and not looking at where the cooking book was lying on the table.

After perhaps a few minutes he couldn't take it anymore, putting down the paper and picking up the book gingerly. The book that Edward had touched, over and over, for years, the book that Edward had pelted at his head before he had left. Roy touched the page, looking down at the chicken recipe, feeling his throat grow hot and he struggled to swallow with the sudden emotion as he got up and slowly replaced the book back to its spot underneath the sink in the kitchen.

Roy had just straightened when there was a knock at the door and he instantly tensed, unsure. He looked around for any source of the blond, not sure if this was a trick or not. However, after a moment he heard the knock again and tiredly straightened his shirt and moved to look outside the window, seeing a flash of blonde, but a straight posture and red uniform convinced him it was Riza and not his haunt. He unlocked the door and pulled it open, taking her in quickly. She was as impeccable as ever, although there were soft signs of aging around her face.

"Sir." She saluted quickly.

"Come in." Roy moved aside, wishing he had shaved this morning.

"With respect, sir, I must decline. I am here to personally escort you to His Majesty." Riza's lips were taut.

Roy froze and there was a shuffle out of the corner of his eye which signaled that this development had shocked Edward into reappearing. Roy didn't look his way however, knowing that Riza couldn't see him. The woman gave him a very soft look, almost understanding, pitying, it was enough to make Roy annoyed. If anything Riza was the only person he had left anymore. She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"His Majesty wishes to speak with you. It is of a matter that requires your expertise."

"Yeah, I'm sure you need Roy's _expertise_." Roy heard Roy's voice mutter from behind him, the suspicion and jealousy not hidden, and he was surprised in himself when he felt it in his own chest.

It had only been a five years since the rebellion that had thrown everything in Roy's life out of place. Only two years since Alphonse's murder, and only one since Edward's. The government was still trying to settle down and Roy knew, darkly, that they were going to fail under this new regime. He should have listened to Edward and taken the man out when he had had the chance. He had never imagined that the rebellion would have succeeded. It was all his fault, a careless oversight nine years ago that had resulted in so many deaths. In the poverty and fear that had gripped Amestris.

His team had remained intact, however, but they had been scattered. Riza worked as the man's secretary, Kain had been transferred to head of internal security. Meaning he basically spied on the general public and ratted out people that spoke up or expressed doubts about how well this new regime was doing. Breda and Falman had been moved to desk jobs, as far as Roy knew. He had kept his normal position, however, he knew it was only because they hadn't figured out how to use him yet. Apparently his new position had been determined.

Weary, Roy slipped on his red jacket, ignoring the insignia of the new government on the lapel and followed Riza out of the house. He could practically feel the waves of anger and confusion from Edward who remained inside the house and they were contagious. He found himself glaring at Riza as she opened the door for him.

"I'm sorry, sir." She told him softly as she started the engine, not looking at him. Ever since the brother's death Roy had been different. Riza hardly knew how to act around him, what to say to him. She had known about him and Edward. Near the end Roy hadn't been as hard pressed to keep it a secret. Edward's behavior had been... telling at best. She knew how hard it had been to lose them, knew how Roy had taken it up to be the boy's sole protector. The rebellion had been so fast, almost overnight. There had been no chance, no warning.

She assumed Mustang's glare at her was for disturbing him on his one day off.

"If I may, have you been sleeping?" She asked after a moment, startled as she took in his appearance. Roy looked.. awful. There were dark bags under his eyes and his hair was unkempt. His shirt needed pressing and, by what she saw of the inside of his house, someone to help him clean and take care of the state of his kitchen and clothing.

"I been having odd dreams." Roy admitted, not looking at her anymore, annoyed instantly by the fact that she was prying, "Its nothing."

"If you ever need someone to talk to about anything." Riza stated sharply, not looking at him.

"I'm fine."

"Obviously you are not." Riza snapped, "Sir." She added thoughtfully at the end.

Riza knew exactly what Roy was capable of when he was in a state like this. The haze of depression was as clear as the almost.. unstable look in his eye. Something was very very wrong, and Roy didn't seem to notice it about himself. The way his head twitched to the side when she had been standing in his doorway, the way his jaw had clenched. The sudden anger in his eyes for no apparent reason.. The way he spent his days off by himself in his house. It worried her. Extremely.

The streets in front of her were dark and dingy, people littering them, having no place to go. Even during a dismal day such as this - the fog still not fading - there were people begging on every street corner.

"I can take care of myself, Riza." Roy snapped, anger in his voice causing her to frown.

"You are not doing that though!" Riza argued back, "Please, let me in!"

Her eyes moved off of the road as he took the man in.

Roy said nothing, not looking at her as they drove. He didn't say another word as he got out of the car and moved into the building. Headquarters itself was being redone, under construction with large tarps and scaffolding where damage had been done during the take over and red splashes of paint as they repainted over the lion insignia. Roy moved up the stairs quickly, ignoring Riza behind him as he moved towards the man who had taken everything away from him.

"Ah yes, Roy Mustang."

Not Flame Alchemist. Alchemy had been the first thing that had been stripped of them after this man had taken over. Not Colonel. The military had been ripped apart - separate from the government and severely weakened without both funding and alchemy. It was a mockery of a military now, and while the military state had its problems in its own rate, this dictatorship had absolutely destroyed everything. If anyone so much as attacked right now with five people with stones they would crumble.

Roy's eyes flicked up to the man, taking him in and trying to hold back the bubbling feeling of disgust and hatred for what this man had done to him.

"Please, take a seat."

Roy stiffly moved to sit down in the chair that the man indicated, watching as he sat down opposite him in the Fuhrer's chair. Roy had been in this office plenty of times, and while he might of been annoyed then as well, it was nothing compared to the absolute sick feeling in his stomach witnessing this individual take his seat, take a seat that many men before him had - many greater men.

"I am sure you are wondering why I called you today, but your new position in our new government has been decided." The man was smiling serenely, unaffected by the dead look in Roy's eyes or in the chaos that surrounded him.

He paused for a moment, before realizing that Roy was neither enthralled nor pleased at this and was not going to ask directly what his new position was going to be. Instead he plowed along and started to explain to the man, unpeterbed by Roy's lack of excitement. There was a manical gleam in his eye. Roy was convinced that half of these people were as mad as he was at this point. You had to be a little bit insane to think that this plan they were enacting was going to work, to think that killing someone like Edward was a good thing.

It wasn't until late that he was dismissed.

* * *

"Are you drunk?"

_"Let us toast!" "Here's to your Majesty." "Here's to a new era!"_

"Yes."

Edward sniffed him slightly, watching him move down the hallway.

_"You can keep the rest of it. Consider it a gift."_

Roy placed the brandy down on the table, not caring that it was almost half gone. Edward eyed it suspiciously, but Edward was blurred in front of him. Roy plucked at the other's red coat for a moment, almost confused as to why Edward was wearing it inside for a long moment before he realized that the fabric wasn't real. His fingertips ran along the woven material and a soft sob was torn from his throat because it felt so real. The warm and cool contrast of Edward's both hands covering up his, automail and flesh, taking his hand off of the coat told him he wasn't real. The real Edward would have been wearing loose pants and a white T, the real Edward would have two real hands. The real Edward would not be looking at him that way right now.

"What did he want from you?" Edward asked, hissing, knowing already despite the question.

Roy realized a little belated that he hadn't taken off his jacket or his shoes and struggled to do so, impaired a bit before flinging them behind him and across the floor. He stumbled into his armchair with a giant groan.

"He gave me a new position." Roy answered, "Head of the Royal Guard."

Edward's head shot up as he regarded the other from across the way, plucking the brandy bottle from the tabletop and moving to hide it in the kitchen like Edward had years before. It didn't matter where he put it though, Roy would know where it was. There was nothing Edward could hide from Roy anymore, nothing Roy could hide from him. They were one in the same. But, at this moment, it seemed like perhaps this could be real.

"You're his bodyguard?" Edward interpreted, coming back from the kitchen with very real mis-matched footsteps and was suddenly sitting on the coffee table before him, looking murderous and thoughtful at the same time.

"I don't want to." Roy told him softly in an almost whine.

"This could be used to our advantage." Edward smirked, a very un-Edward-like smirk.

Roy didn't look at it, pulling the other close.

"He thinks I'll do whatever he wants." Roy hissed.

"Isn't that what you've been doing all along?" Edward accused darkly, causing Roy to flinch with guilt.

"Look where it fucking got me." Roy muttered.

"You're right." Edward sighed, settling slowly into the other's lap, eyes dark, "Drunk and alone."

Roy felt worst than shit for a moment. Anger flooding through him at the realization that Edward was right. That he hadn't done anything, he had followed orders, just like Ishbal. Just like Ishbal. And look what had happened. The same exact thing. Hadn't he learned the first time? Hadn't that been his whole goal? How had he lost sight of that? Even with Edward there, very alive, persisting and yelling and screaming at him to _do something_.

"Well." Edward amended, voice mischievous, "Somewhat alone."

Roy glanced up, confused at the other, seeing the look that Edward was giving him.

"Come here." He ordered, pulling Ed's coat until he was pressed along him. His expression shifted from self-depreciating to begging the next. "Kiss me, god dammit." He pleaded, curling his arms around the other's form, loving the feeling of the weight pleasantly in his lap. He watched as those gold eyes took in him for a moment before a soft smile curled on those lips and strong leg's shifted, straddling him on the armchair. Almost like a slow snake Edward's hands crawled up his uniform and under his shirt, the small freckled nose bumping along his cheekbone before he obliged the other.

The kiss was just as he had remembered they could be as he tilted his head a little and captured the blond's upper lip, moving into their practiced rhythm that ten years of dating had perfected. Didn't matter that he was drunk, their kisses were always rather sloppy. The blond knew exactly what to do, exactly what he wanted, darting his tongue in at just the right moment, pulling back with a nip of Roy's lower lip that had the brunette quaking. Edward's hips thrusting lazily into his, the silence interrupted only by soft exhales of breath and the faint pop of lips. Roy's hands helped Edward out of that heavy jacket after a moment, reveling in the feeling of the other, almost convinced he was dreaming.

Being drunk was so much better than being sober, Roy decided, as he ran his hands through Ed's hair, the fine gold cascading through his fingers felt so much more real than ever before.

It was just as much of a conquest as it had always been between them. Always started off soft and slow and turned into something harder, more forceful. He felt the flip switch a bit as Edward's hands hurried to unbutton his shirt and his pants, lips attaching to Roy's neck, sucking and marking him, biting down before lapping apologetically. Roy groaned softly, running his hands down the hard plane of Ed's back, feeling the shifting muscles.

"I'm going to make you scream." Edward whispered huskily, a promise, and Roy was struck for a moment, not sure whether Edward meant in pleasure or pain. Perhaps both, either way it was incredibly sexy, not remembering a time when Edward had taken charge. Dominated, pressing him back against the armchair as he shed their clothes for them.

"Oh r-really?" Roy gusted uncertainly, before he gave a hiss as Edward rolled his hips forward into his own, an explosion of pleasure and sensitivity assaulting him, Edward's cool automail hand on his stomach gleaming in the light. "Yes.." Roy sighed. Yes this was what he wanted. He was allowed to indulge in this. He wanted Edward to take him and pound him into the couch, he wanted Edward to be in charge, wanted to be touched. His head tossed back against the armchair as he felt the hot warmth of the other as Edward lowered himself and he couldn't breath, choking for a moment as Edward adjusted and shifted before giving him a sweet kiss to the side of his mouth and moved.

Roy's hands grasped desperately at the other's hips as Edward did exactly what he wished of him, pressing him hard into the cushions and playing his body to exact specifications. He teased him, pausing, slowing, moving at not real rhythm until Roy was groaning and swearing, knowing that Edward was going to get his scream out of him. There was a enthralled laugh that erupted from Edward's mouth as he started to move against him, fast, hard, a excited bubbling almost frighteningly kiddish laugh but Roy wasn't paying attention.

"E-Ed!" He yelled, grappling, almost in pain as he tried to meet Edward's frantic thrusts. "I'm-"

The blond had bent down, pressing his cheek into Roy's chest and was panting weakly before his hands reached out and he grabbed Roy's hips, slamming them together so forcibly that it _hurt_. Roy felt an explosion in the pit of his stomach, a release, a blissful moment of absolutely nothing and his toes and fingers tense and curl, feeling the relieved scream flutter out of his throat just for Edward before his body collapsed, eyes fluttering closed for a long moment. He could feel the weight of the other still on top of him, crumpled and breathing heavily, the puffs gusting across his chest, Ed's legs curling around him.

He mustered up the strength to pull his arms around the blond, shifting so they were better intertwined, placing a soft kiss to the golden crown of the top of Edward's head. He whispered the other's name over and over, afraid to look, afraid to leg to, afraid that Edward wouldn't be there if he did. He could feel tears wet against his chest, and his cheek. They were both crying.

"Oh Roy, Roy, Roy.." Edward whispered back to him, pressing a soft wet kiss to Roy's neck with the sullen platitude, "I only ever wanted to make you happy.."

He felt the blond's wracking sobs against his body and he couldn't help but cry as well, it was as if Edward's sadness was echoed, if Edward was sad, he was sad. If Edward was angry, he was angry. Or was it the other way around? He merely wrapped his arms tighter, keeping Edward pinned to his chest so he couldn't disappear again.

"I only ever wanted to make you happy..." Edward whispered softly, to himself, eyes drooping in exhaustion as he went still against him. Roy rubbed the man's back slowly, staring down at the sight of Edward, asleep, in his arms with wide astonishment. He pressed his head down, resting against him as he allowed himself to drift off, following the other's lead as his eyes closed.

* * *

Roy awoke with a jolt at the sound of the phone ringing. His eyes revealed that it was past mid-morning. The sun coming through the window hadn't woken him up. Roy pawed at trying to figure out what happened, waking up without clothing, and alone in his armchair. He felt sticky and disgusting, hampered with a hang-over and the realization that Edward hadn't really been there last night to comfort him. He only paused for a second before pulling his aching body out of the chair and tugging on pants, before grabbing the phone off of the hanger.

"Hello? Roy Mustang." He asked, staring at the spot where Edward and he had... last night...

"Yes I know. I called your house." The voice was snappish on the other end, "His Majesty has a meeting with the ambassador from Xing in two hours and is missing his head of security."

"Yes, sir." Roy answered, "I'm feeling a bit under the weather."

There was a pause on the other end, a suspicious pause.

"Very well. We will contact Mr. Armstrong instead." The voice was clipped and annoyed, the line going dead almost instantly.

Roy slammed the phone down in a fit of anger and frustration, watching as it bounced off of the cradle and crashed against the floor, the plastic flying apart. With a huff Roy bent down immedaitely, grabbing the pieces without really thinking, the sharp plastic digging a deep cut into his palm that made him curse.

"Not smart." Was a soft whisper, making Roy whirl around, taking in Edward's tired form appreciatively.

"You didn't leave."

Edward took a sip from his mug, holding it with two hands as he peered at the other curiously. He caught sight of the red line of blood on Roy's palm and his golden eyes rolled as he moved away, reaching up to pull down the first aid kit in the kitchen.

"Come here." He sighed, seeming so much more mature in that moment. Roy eyed him suspiciously before following and holding his hand out, watching as Edward started to gingerly clean it.

"That was the King." Roy tested, watching as Edward pressed a bit too hard on his palm and bared his teeth, tensing immediately at the thought.

"Oh?" He managed, "What did he want now?"

"For me to come into work." Roy stated.

Edward said nothing for a long moment, wrapping the bandage along slowly before raising Roy's palm to his lips, kissing it softly. Roy watched him, feeling a darkness in the pit of his stomach that usually was there whenever he interacted with this Edward. This fake Edward. Because there were aspects of what he did that made Roy feel uncomfortable. Such as the way he was taking care of him in this moment. It was something that Roy couldn't imagine the real Edward ever doing.

"Thanks." Roy stated gruffly after a moment. Edward pulled back and blinked at him.

"What are you going to do about him?" He asked.

"Kill him."

It was the first response that came out of Roy's mouth. He wanted to kill the King, that much was certain. Wanted to watch as he burned for what he had done. But there was a sudden sigh and tutting that caused him to turn and take in Edward's face.

"That won't solve any of this." Edward told him. Roy felt frustration, why was Edward doing this to him? One moment telling him to kill the man, the next telling him the opposite!

"I tried that, remember?" Edward stated calmly, "You can't simply kill him now. He's infected everyone. You have to get to public to kill him for you."

Roy nodded, thinking, churning over what Edward was saying.

"If the public could overturn the government once.." He mumbled, moving back and forth through the small kitchen. Of course. He would have to get access to the papers, to the media, he would have to keep the King close to as not to add suspicion. Suddenly his new job was perceived as a godsend. Of _course_.

"You have to be patient." Edward continued, "Unlike me."

"Unlike you." Roy echoed, "I am not like you." He turned to face the blond.

"You are not like me." Edward smirked a smirk not befitting to his mouth.

Suddenly Roy felt the pit of his stomach turn icy as he watched the other. That smirk, it was his smirk. His smirk on Edward's face. He staggered for a moment, staring at the blond, suddenly deeply afraid. Of course, he had this doubt, this suspicion for a while, but it terrified him to think that.. terrified him that he was speaking to himself. Edward's eyes were narrower, how had he not noticed? A dirty darker gold, almost blue, like his.. like his eyes. The way that Edward was holding himself, the way he had kissed his hand, the way he had slammed him against the chair. Nothing about him was Edward-like at all. It was my look on his face. My Edward would never smile at me like that.

Roy stopped, shaking his head. It wasn't real.

Edward's face changed, turning confused.

"What?" He asked, seeing the horror evident on Roy's face.

"What?" He demanded, seeing Roy start to stagger towards him, grabbing him by the lapels of his red coat. The clothing was clean and crisp again, not wrinkled as it should be if it had been lying on the floor all night. Roy felt like he couldn't breath.

"You're not real." He whispered, "You're not REAL."

There was definitely a darker tint to his hair, his eyes, they were black. Roy watched with wide eyes. Edward's face turned indignant.

"Roy, stop." He stated calmly with the air of talking to a petulant child, "Get your hands off me. You're being unreasonable."

Edward would never speak like this. Never. Roy released him as if burned, shoving him away and moving quickly away from him and to the other room. Edward stumbled a bit, blinking and readjusting his jacket before following the man.

"Stop. STOP!" He ordered, bellowing as Roy kept sidestepping him, skittering away from him as he tried to get closer. "What, Roy? What did you expect!" He screamed, "What do you want me to do?"

"Leave!" Roy bellowed back, "Leave me alone! You aren't real! You aren't _him_!"

"Will you just-" Edward started, moving forward again, trying to get Roy to listen.

"NO!" Roy yelled, "Leave." He hissed, shoving the other a bit away from him.

Edward paused then, stilling. His eyes glowered and narrowed into dark slits as he peered across the room at the man, hands balled into fists at his sides. His lips pursed into a tight white line before he let out a few calming breathes, clearly close to losing it, anger pouring off of him.

"Fine." He hissed, "_Fine._"

And he spun on his heel and moved out of the living room through the kitchen and slammed the door behind him, vanishing in two seconds to wherever he went when he wasn't around and Roy felt himself relax a bit, falling back against the sofa. Suddenly awfully alone and afraid. He gave a soft noise the clicking of the clock across the way unbearable and I knew in that instant that I was addicted to him. Not having him here was worse than knowing he wasn't real.

And with that he felt pathetic, horrible, weak, and pathetic.

"Come back." He voiced into the air, "I didn't mean it. Come back."

But there was nothing but silence and the clock in answer.

* * *

Review please?


	4. THE PAST: II

The Greatest Enemy

_represent_

_

* * *

_

- NINE YEARS AGO -

* * *

"Winry's coming down to visit." Edward stated absently, picking up an apple and testing it with his flesh fingertips. He winced softly, the feelings new and raw. It had only taken the brothers half a year to figure out how to retrieve his arm and leg from the Gate. After Edward had succeeded in tricking the Gate to give back Al, getting his arm and leg back had been easy in comparison. His soul was already intact, here, therefore the negotiation was for parts. Parts that, when it came down to it, were made out of simple elements. That was where they had gone wrong before - there was no way to create a soul.

Roy reached over and took the apple after Edward deemed it worthy. He placed it in the bag before taking Edward's hand in his, giving it a brief gentle massage. He knew how much his newly attached limbs ached sometimes. Before anyone saw he let go and moved down the next row. Edward sighed, clenching and unclenching his hand before following the man down the marketplace.

"Yeah?" Roy answered, "When?"

"In a few days." Edward trailed off, Roy smirked to himself as he moved along, knowing exactly how much Edward disliked being in the same house with Alphonse and Winry. Apparently the sexual tension was enough to make someone sick. Edward always ended up kicking down the door to his house, complaining and taking over his bed.

"We'll need tomatoes." Edward told him, pulling out the recipe. He hadn't put the cook book back and had been cooking Roy dinner for the past year. Ever since the chicken he had graduated to more complex meals. Such as lasagna.

He made sure not to stand too close to the other, such as to raise suspicion. Edward's annoyance at this was overlooked by Roy. They had kept everything about their relationship a secret for the past year. It was after Roy would scold Edward for showing up late at night without warning or admonish him for walking to close during the rare times the ran errands together that Edward gave him hurt and frustrated looks.

"Hey you know." Edward started slowly as he moved towards the tomatoes, placing them slowly into their bag as they moved along, "Do you think I can stay at your place while Winry's here?" He proposed softly, not looking at the man as he moved along. Roy glanced at him briefly, sharply.

"Let's talk about this somewhere more private." He answered after a brief second and watched a frown decorate the blond's face, gold eyes rolling in annoyance. Edward didn't seem to feel the need to keep the same kind of privacy about their dating. In fact it was a source of constant friction between the two over the past few months. The only person that knew of their relationship was Alphonse and Edward had let it slip. Roy had patronized him for it for about a week before he relented, trusting the fact that Al wouldn't tell anyone. Edward shot the other a dark look as he moved along, his eyes drifting along, catching the sunflowers across the way. He stopped and peered at them for a long moment before he moved to catch up with Roy who was paying for everything.

Edward understood, to a certain point, that Roy needed to keep their relationship hidden for his own job. If the military found out not only that they were dating not only would they get kicked out but Roy's dream of becoming Fuhrer would be dashed before he even got a chance. Edward sighed softly as he followed the man, staring at the back of Roy's dark coat after he grabbed one of the bags of groceries. He understood, but it didn't meant he had to like it. He wanted to be able to walk next to Roy down the street. He wanted to go to Roy's house without being afraid someone would see. He wanted to share his happiness with Winry, with his friends. He hated being so secretive about what he was up to all the time.

As they walked along in silence Edward allowed his thoughts to drift, his eyes dark and against the ground as they moved. He was supposed to follow Roy two or three people behind. Enough to question if they were actually traveling together when they walked to and from places. Edward hated it. He always ended up walking behind the fucker and the distance always made him upset by the time they got back home. He hated the thought of what people would think if they knew they were together.

Naive, and young, Edward still was under the impression that people wouldn't care. Roy glanced behind him at the blond who was glowering, and he sighed softly to himself. He knew that he'd have to work a little at getting the blond's mood up. He pushed his way through the crowd of people, making his way with the heavier of the groceries. Edward's new arm was still weak and despite Edward not saying it himself he didn't want to make Edward more uncomfortable than he already was.

The simple fact was that they would be persecuted. Simple as that. Not because it was against the rules - Roy knew that plenty of officials in the military had sexual relationships with their subordinates. Everyone knew about Hakuro's secretary but no one ever tried to approach him about it. No. It wasn't the rules, it was the simple matter that they were both male. And that, in itself, was against all the rules. Rules that would spell the end of his career, the loss of any kind of respect, and most of all spell in the disaster of his dream.

Whenever Edward tried to reason letting Winry know or Ling, or one of his friends, Roy simply had to toss that argument at him and Edward would nod tensely. Not agreeing, but understanding, relenting. Because of what? If this relationship irritated Edward so much through its secrecy, how come he agreed to keep quiet? Roy had often wondered this, came up with theories and thought perhaps - was it possible? - when he would see the little gestures Edward would give to him that Roy would never thought possible from the other - could Edward possibly love him?

And if he did. Did Roy love him back?

That was when Roy was unsure. Would someone that loved someone else keep them locked away and hidden? Even if it was to protect them? Roy had to believe so.

Edward was unaware of Roy's pondering, distracted for a moment as he stopped to pay for the paper from a vendor along the way. As he paused he lost Roy's back in the crowd. He was already mad at the other for walking so fast, for not talking to him at the market, and for refusing to even touch him in public. Edward blew out an annoyed breath before looking down at the front page briefly, scanning the headlines. Nothing big had really happened in Central for a few years. The shaky peace that had fallen over the city made everyone anxious. No mass murderers, no serial killers, no wars, no foreign invasions.. Edward was tense. Amestris had never gone so long without some sort of strife.

Roy always laughed at him and tapped him on the head and said: "Edward, you're just bored in a world where there's no bad guys to catch."

But Edward was suspicious. He tucked the paper under his elbow and hurried along, knowing the way back to Roy's house by heart. Edward knew that Roy was extremely comfortable and settled with this brief era of peace. His spirits, despite his annoying need to keep their affair so hushed, were extremely high. Edward knew that in a year or two Roy would be a General, and then it was all a matter of time before the Fuhrer stepped down that Roy would have his way. Roy refused to even think that anything else could be thrown in his way at this point - and unfortunately Edward and his relationship and turned into something he viewed as a potential of stopping him.

Edward sighed softly as he made his way into the house, slipping off his boots and kicking them to the side. He had been harped at enough to move them out of the doorway.

There was a rustling sound of Roy in the kitchen putting away the groceries.

"So?" Edward asked as he turned around the corner, putting the other bag on the counter.

"Did anyone see you come through the door?" Roy asked, not looking up.

"_No_." Edward hissed, having no patience for Roy's paranoia at getting caught.

Roy sighed, standing straight where he had been bent over to place away some of the preservable foods.

"I'm not sure if that's a good idea." He started, uncertain, "But-"

"What? Me staying with you?" Edward stated blandly, interrupting, voice calm and even in a way that made Roy uncomfortable, "Its only for a few days."

"I have kept my mouth shut for a whole year now, Roy." He started, slamming things into the fridge, "No one has a clue about us. No one. And I hate doing it. I _hate lying and I hate sneaking._ But I do it because I- I care about you. And you still don't trust me!"

"Edward-"

The blond blew out a breath, bangs puffing.

"I have to lie to my best friends. I bend over backwards to keep them from being suspicious. I kept it from _Al_ for over five months!" He ranted, "You can't keep this hidden forever. You know that."

"I-"

"And I just want to be able to come and see you whenever I want. I want to be here, with you. I want you to stop pestering me about being careful when I come and when I leave. I'm not _dumb_. I can leave without being seen..."

"_Edward."_ Roy stated loudly, making the blond pause and look up at him, glaring at him with daggers across the kitchen. "You can stay here. I- you can stay. You know why we can't tell anyone about us. I don't like it any better than you do, but that's just how it is. And I am not very good at trusting anyone, but I am working on it."

Edward fell silent, tomatoes in one hand, the refrigerator door int he other.

"You-" Edward started, blinking, not expecting Roy to answer in that way. "Really?"

"Yes." Roy smirked as he watched the other. The blond smiled suddenly and bent down, kissing him on the side of the cheek. Roy reached up and grabbed the man's arm, twisting it gently and pulling Edward into him. The blond fell with a soft whoosh and grumbled, placing the tomatoes down on the kitchen counter before tossing his head back to peer at him.

"Under one condition." Roy mumbled, kissing the top of Edward's head.

Edward paused, suspicious.

"What?" He asked slowly.

"You don't use my toothbrush. And you keep your boots out of the way so I don't trip on them."

"That's two conditions." Edward teased, "But I think I can live with that."

He got up and finished putting away the groceries before retiring to the living room for the moment. He worked his hand back and forth, wincing a little as he read the paper. Roy had papers scattered across the coffee table, working in silence for the time being. The decision to allow Edward to live with him had shaken him a little but he wasn't going to allow it to show. He tried to ignore Edward's hot presence sitting right next to him on the couch. The blond was leaning far back into the cushion, relaxed except for the fact that his shoulder seemed to be giving him trouble.

"Fucking arm." Edward complained softly, rolling his shoulder, causing Roy to glance up from his work and watch the uncomfortable look pass across his lover's face. Roy reached over, grabbing the man's right palm and rubbed it soothingly, pushing back from his work for the moment with a sigh and took Edward's arm with his two hands, moving up and down the newly attached limb slowly, watching the relief flood over Edward's face. He smirked a bit, taking advantage of the momentary calm silence that had descended between the two of them - Edward still reading an article in the paper. It was rare when they were just sitting, side by side, in each other's space without talking or arguing.

And just as soon as it happened Edward broke it.

"Read this." He stated.

Roy glanced up, letting go of the other's arm as he took in Edward's strange face. He grabbed the paper with a sigh, leaning back against the couch and flipping the newspaper so that it stood up straight before scanning the page.

"What?"

"Right here." Edward leaned over him, pointing to an article on the right side of the page near his thumb.

Roy scanned it, eyebrow raising. The article had been written by a radicalist. The name seemed familiar but he couldn't pin point where he had heard it before. Instead he continued on, reading and getting a gist of what the article was about. It was a proposal, on how to fix the government. Roy wondered briefly how insane this man must be in order to purchase this much space in the newspaper to spout this nonsense. The article preached about how having a military state was a setup to failure, for how could the people be able to be heard if their own government possessed the means to kill them? That the might of the military should never be able to overcome the government, that the two shouldn't be tied so closely together. It went on further to suggest that alchemy itself was too dangerous and hard to control to be allowed to the general public, and even more importantly, the military. That, through alchemy the government was able to control the people -

Roy gave the paper back to Edward who was staring at him with a thoughtful frown.

"I recognize the name." Roy stated softly, with a shrug and a snort.

"What he's saying. It kind of makes sense." Edward mumbled, looking uncertain.

"The military state has worked for a long time, Edward." Roy took up rubbing the blond's arm again, not bothered with the radical article, not noticing the buds of an idea that would later erupt out of control. Edward however, did. He was staring at the article for a long moment, deep in thought before he put the newspaper back down and gave a strange sigh.

"Right there." Edward purred, sufficiently distracted as Roy made his way up to his shoulder. "Ah-"

Roy smirked, placing a soft kiss there.

"So how long is Winry staying?" He asked again slowly, letting Edward droop into him happily.

"Dunno." Edward murmured, "A few days maybe a week."

* * *

Roy knew deep down that opening his door to Edward meant that the blond was going to stay fast like glue. It wasn't going to be two days, it was going to turn into years.

First Edward got his own toothbrush, then started moving in his clothes, and soon Roy's prediction had come true. Edward had taken over his how slowly, adding more books to his bookshelf, stuffing his clothing into his closet, and claiming the left side of the bed. Roy was surprised at how easy the transition had been. It had only been a few months, and of course there were always annoyances that came with living with someone else, but for the most part Edward was bearable to live with. He had always feared that he would come home and things would be destroyed, but Edward seemed to be respectful of the need to keep things tidy.

"Hello, Alphonse." Roy stated simply, moving into the house to find the two brothers pouring over something on his kitchen counter.

The younger of the two glanced up brightly and grinned at him before turning straight back to whatever they were working on. Roy's eyebrow raised as he moved through the house, listening to their hushed voices, knowing full well that whenever they were like this they were not to be disturbed.

"No- you can't say that." Roy heard Edward chide.

"Why not?" Alphonse whined.

"Because-" Edward stated in exasperation before muttering something to the other softly. Roy was curious now. He smirked softly, moving into the kitchen after he put away his coat.

"Are you staying for dinner?" Roy asked lightly as he pulled open the cupboard to get a cup for water.

Edward glanced up at him, amusement in his eyes and Roy glanced down at the paper that they were laboring over.

"N-no. Well, if its okay with you - sir." Alphonse stuttered.

Roy filled the cup with water before taking a sip and sitting down near the pair of them.

"You're welcome over anytime." He murmured with a smirk. Alphonse had yet to drop the nervous tittering that he had always had around him despite Roy's insistence that he call him by his first name and not his title when they weren't at the office. He watched as Edward chuckled softly at his younger brother who was looking unsure as to what to say in this moment. Despite the fact that Alphonse had accepted the fact that the two of them were together he couldn't help but feel strange when he was with the two of them at the same time. It was always awkward for Alphonse to picture his older brother _doing that_ with someone else - and it was doubly so when he pictured his brother with the Colonel.

"At least one of you two still respect me." Roy stated dryly.

Edward rolled his eyes, "Did I ever respect you?"

"What are you two doing?" Roy asked after a moment, ignoring that comment.

"Nothing!" Alphonse blurted, grabbing the paper and moving it away, cheeks aflame.

"Alphonse is writing Winry a letter." Edward stated slyly.

Alphonse didn't deny it.

"Oh?" Roy asked, "What kind of a letter?"

"A love letter." Edward smirked.

Alphonse groaned, hiding the letter.

"It is not!" He snapped.

"Yes it is."

Roy interrupted their scrabbling for a moment, a little shocked as he asked, "And you asked Edward to help you write it?"

"Yeah." Alphonse answered, blinking.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Edward snapped.

Roy laughed and Edward glared.

Edward crossed his arms petulantly and Roy gave him a little ruffle on the top of his head, only making the irritated look deepen and Edward to bat him away like a fly. Roy thought the idea of Edward trying to help Alphonse write something as intricate as a love letter to a woman was probably the funniest thing he had heard today. He took the duo in for a moment, thoughtful before he took a small sip of his water and a small sigh.

"Okay then, hand it over."

"What? No I-I-" Alphonse blushed ferociously, clutching the paper to his chest, "Really its ok - I'll just-"

"Out of everyone in this room right now I've had the most experience in wooing women."

"That's for sure." Edward muttered out of the side of his mouth. Roy ignored the intentional jib.

His face was probably the color of a cherry and he was biting his lip. Edward was either oblivious to his brother's humiliation or he didn't care. He turned to Alphonse and grabbed the paper out of his clutches, holding it up above his head so that Alphonse couldn't reach from across the small counter top and flung it at Roy who catch it deftly and shook the wrinkles out of it.

"No!" Alphonse snapped, sinking his head down in misery.

Roy was silent then, his eyes scanning the lines of the paper. A small smile took to his lips after a long moment, because it was so clear who had written what line. Edward was the worst romantic he had ever had the pleasure of trying to court. All the lines that Ed had composed were brutally blunt and to the point. Not unintelligent but almost like a textbook. A kind of clear dettatchment and extremely to forward for something as delicate as a love letter. Whereas in comparison all that Alphonse had written was flowery and articulate about all the wrong things. Alphonse spent a paragraph talking about the weather, and a page about coming back to live in Risembool.

"You're moving back?" Roy asked after a moment, surprised.

The brothers were staring up at him, awaiting his opinion on the letter, and did not expect this. Edward frowned and looked away, clearly not pleased with the idea of Alphonse going back. Roy was unsure of what that look meant on Edward's face, making a note to ask Edward about it later. Alphonse merely nodded with a soft smile.

"Just for a while. I don't know how long I'll stay there. I want to spend some time with them."

"Well, then." Roy pushed himself off of the counter and promptly tossed the letter into the trash.

"What the hell?" Edward snapped.

"I apologize, Alphonse." Roy smiled, "But your brother is way too blunt and you are way to passive. A letter such as this can't be to blunt or it will seem desperate - and it has to have some sort of hint that you are interested in her or else it will just bore her."

"Bore her?" Alphonse echoed.

"Desperate?"

"Yes, my dear." Roy smiled patronizingly at Edward who was pouting a little in the chair, "You are a lot of things, but a romantic you're not."

In the end Roy had drafted Alphonse the skeleton of a very convincing and alluring letter. One that said everything that needed to be said, but in a way that was gentle and thoughtful. Alphonse had put it in his pocket with a smile and a shy 'thanks.' It was only after Alphonse had left and they had settled to bed that Roy approached Edward about Alphonse moving away.

"It'll just be weird." Edward muttered, looking away for a moment. Roy sighed, tugging him in closer to his side as he glanced into the golden mane of hair. The brothers were growing up, going seperate ways. It was inevitable but uncomfortable. Already Edward had chosen him, had moved out of their apartment. But Edward had always had a very strong almost parental relationship with his younger brother. They had been practically attatched at the hip for years and had been through so much. It was only normal for it to be difficult for Edward to let go. To allow Alphonse to make his own choices, and if that meant to move back to Risembool for a while, perhaps in the end it would be a good thing.

"Him and Winry?" Edward whined softly against Roy's chest, "She's like my sister. Its like my brother and my sister.. making out. So weird."

Roy chuckled softly.

"I'm sure that when you told your brother about us he thought it was weird too."

Edward paused and thought about that for a moment before he placed his head back down on the pillow, not arguing that. He merely gave a puff of a indignant sigh and rolled on top of the other, kissing him on his neck slowly.

"Mm, what are you doing?" Roy murmured, raising an eyebrow and looking down at the alchemist.

"Being romantic." Edward stated cheekily.


	5. THE PRESENT: II

The Greatest Enemy

_represent_

_

* * *

_

After ordering Edward to leave - or more like screamed at him - Roy hadn't seen the other for a week. He regretted it, because while Edward was never truly there, Roy was less lonely with a fake duplicate of his old lover to keep him company. Mustang found himself jumping and looking at every blond head in a crowd, starting at each small sound in his house. He would comb the entire place each time he came home in hopes of seeing Edward napping on his couch or reading in the study. He would call out for the other softly, hoping that maybe Edward would hear him and come back. He would always feel foolish and disgusted with himself afterwords.

"Insane. I'm fucking insane." He muttered darkly after jumping at the sound of a car outside and looking up hopefully for a flash of gold.

The week went by as slow as possible. Roy found it unbearable to have to be the King's bodyguard. Armstrong and he were honored with this duty which consisted mainly of sitting outside of the room while the man worked and running people coffee during the main part of the day and then returning to their old duties of managing subordinates the second half of the day. Roy was quite certain that if he wasn't already prone to suicide he would have been driven to consider it with how bored he got near the end of his shift.

He had taken what Edward had told him into account. Suddenly he had a purpose, though. And where he might have been tempted to just end it before suddenly there was unfinished business. He knew that he had to give Ed's death some kind of meaning, to properly apologize to the man - through eliminating what Edward tried to eliminate. To finish Ed's job. Roy had the distinct impression that only after he killed the King and fixed up the mess that Amestris was in that his mind would leave him alone. He was completely confident that Edward's ghostly apparition was an extension of his own guilt.

Going about this, though, wouldn't be as simple as just killing the man. Edward had told him this - or rather he had told himself this.

The whole idea of Edward being himself brought out a realm of possibilities too horrible for Roy to truly think through. Because, if Edward truly was only an extension of Roy's self then who was it that kissed him? Had Roy been fucked by himself? How fucked up was that? Mustang shivered slightly at the thought of it, only growing more depressed at the idea that his own mind had used him.

It was Saturday when he was moving through the library when he saw a flash of gold between two aisles and his heart flew into his throat.

His head whipped around and crouched at the bottom row of books alone in the aisle was a small blond figure, the red coat giving him away instantly. Roy hooked a left and practically flew down the row to meet the man - he had never remembered a time when he was so happy to see someone.

"Edward." He stated softly, looking down at where Edward was bent over, pulling out and shoving back books. Roy instantly recognized Edward's face. It was a look that he hadn't seen for a long time, a look of determination and passion - a quest or search. Edward hardly acknowledged his presence and Roy wasn't sure if Ed was still mad at him for the last time he had seen him or if he simply couldn't be distracted from whatever he had come here to get.

"Not here.." Edward muttered to himself.

"What are you looking for?" Roy asked after a moment, reaching down to place his hand and fingertips along the crown of Edward's head, feeling the soft hairs there. It was as if Edward was a dream.

"Nope." Edward sighed, straightening up suddenly.

"Look Ed, I'm sorry. About earlier. Please don't leave." Roy started, but it was no use. Edward wasn't even paying attention to him. He was flipping through book titles at rapid speed and Roy curiously took note of what section they were in. Fiction. Roy wondered if Edward had ever been in the fiction section in his entire life. It wasn't like Edward to waste time reading things that weren't real. Mustang frowned softly before realizing that those golden eyes were on him for however a brief second. He was spared a sliver of attention, a pause from this frantic search.

"I only ever wanted to make you happy." Edward stated sadly, and Roy grew frustrated, not knowing what this line meant, not knowing why Edward kept repeating it to him. It was as if the more times Edward said it and the longer Roy didn't understand the more angry Ed got at him. The more upset and moody. The blond slammed a few books back then, no longer paying him any mind.

"Ed." Roy started, looking around to make sure no one else was witnessing him in this aisle before he turned back to look at him, "What are you trying to find? Can I help?"

But it was no use. Roy watched as Edward's face shifted and grew suddenly confused and shocked, as if he was waking up suddenly and didn't understand how he had gotten here. Disoriented Edward rubbed a hand to his forehead and moved away when Roy tried to grab a hold of him, frowning deeply.

"No.." Edward stated slowly.

The blond moved them, like a convulsion he suddenly took off for the next aisle over.

"Maybe-" He was muttering to himself, as if he had remembered where he had put something, some place he hadn't checked yet. Roy watched him leave and before he knew it he could feel the tugging in his heart that said that Edward was going to disappear again. He took off after Ed then, trying to reach out and grab him - like that would stop him. The lines of Ed's form were wavering, the red coat moving like a snake or like a heatwave in between them - unstable. Edward was unstable. And just as Edward moved around the corner of the row and out of sight Roy knew with a disheartened feeling that he was lost.

With a quick glance down the next aisle his hunch was confirmed. The row was completely devoid of the blond.

Roy swallowed slowly, trying to recollect his thoughts, trying to understand.

It was difficult to understand what your own mind was trying to tell you, hard to try and figure out and decipher something that you were - at the same time - trying to keep from finding out. Roy felt some kind of internal struggle. Why was Edward suddenly so absent? Ever since Ed's death the man had been appearing over and over. Roy hadn't been able to go in peace for more than two days without a visit from the ghost. At first Roy had hated it, hated seeing the man everywhere. It was like his mind was trying to punish him.

But now he was addicted. Seven days had been too long. He felt starved for Edward's attention, and even that brief encounter was like igniting a fire. He had to see Ed again. Had to. Was this why Edward was suddenly not appearing? Because Roy was depending on him too much? Was Edward trying to tell him off, trying to punish him for being so rude to him at their last encounter?

No, Roy berated himself, Edward wasn't really Edward. Edward was only in his own mind. His own mind was punishing him somehow. Or maybe it wasn't. Maybe he was getting better. This should be a good sign right?

Roy worried his lip between his teeth for a moment, shoving the door to the library out. He had forgotten what he had come in here for in the first place. It wasn't important anymore - and he had a sinking suspicion the only reason he had felt the need to borrow a book today is because he subconsciously knew Edward would be here. It was a place where he had always found the blond before. Well, before everything had gone downhill that was.

But this Edward, the one that he kept seeing, was different than the one he had known a few years ago. This Edward was bright and devious and young.

It was perhaps the only reason why Roy could stand looking at him without feeling awful.

* * *

"What are you doing here?" Roy asked stiffly, seeing Havoc sitting on the steps to his house, cigarette in his loose fingers. Instantly Roy bent down and grabbed it out of his hand, stomping it out, feeling more angry that he should be that Havoc had dropped by to visit without telling him. Irritated by the fact that his sanctuary was being invaded, not knowing when Havoc was suddenly seen as invading. Not knowing when he looked at Havoc as a threat.

"I just wanted to drop by and say hello." Havoc stated with a small grin, rubbing the back of his head for a lack of something to do now that he no longer had his cigarette to hold. It was clear that he felt awkward being here, and a little nervous. Roy frowned severely down at him before brushing past him and unlocking the door.

"No need to lie, Lieutenant." Roy stated simply.

"Okay, fine. Riza asked me to check up on you. You've shut her out recently and she's worried." Havoc muttered, "So are you going to invite me in or what?"

Roy glanced back at the man before shoving his door open. He gazed quickly, almost hungrily inside. Ever since he had glimpsed Edward in the library he had hoped that perhaps the blond would be waiting for him at home. But, usually the presence of someone else was enough to scare him away. It was another reason why Roy was already annoyed at Havoc. Who knew - if Havoc hadn't come maybe Edward would be here instead. And Roy realized that he would much rather have Ed here than Havoc - not even caring that Edward wasn't real.

"Yeah come in." Roy said after a moment, seeing the empty house and knowing that Edward wouldn't come as long as Havoc was here, knowing that if he told Havoc to get lost Riza's efforts at trying to get him to open up would double. He didn't really want to seem suspicious towards anyone. He knew instinctively that he had to keep what he was seeing to himself. He didn't want to seem insane - he wasn't insane. Not really. But he knew that Riza would say that he was.

Havoc got up off of the step and followed the man inside. He narrowed his blue eyes, taking in the poor state of the house as he shrugged off his coat and hung it up. He had to step over some boots and around some clothes as he made his way to the kitchen where there were dishes and plates stacked up in the sink.

"Man, Mustang, no offense but this place is a dump."

Roy glanced up tiredly, not having noticed.

He just shrugged, "Do you want anything to drink?"

"No, no thanks." Havoc stated slowly, taking in the man in front of him. Roy had changed so much. There was usually such a precision and cleanliness about him that was all but abandoned. Roy no longer took great care in how he looked. It was as if he hadn't looked in a mirror at himself in months. Havoc didn't really know how he was supposed to help him, but Riza had ordered him over, thinking that Roy wasn't going to talk to her because she was a woman.

Roy got out a glass and filled it with water for himself, slumping into a chair at the kitchen table. Havoc slowly took the other chair, not really knowing what to say.

"So head of security huh?" Havoc started.

Roy simply grunted.

"Most asinine position ever." He gritted out, "I do nothing but bring the fucker tea."

"Yeah I haven't gotten my new job yet." Havoc murmured, "This whole situation is just sad."

Roy glanced up, knowing that Havoc was prodding about more than just the King, more than just the revolution, but the Elric brothers' death and the Rockbell girl's current state.

"I visited her, you know." Havoc seemed to follow his train of thought. Roy's hand clenched down around his glass. He didn't want to listen to this, didn't want to hear about Winry. Didn't want to hear about yet another failure of his - and man did he do a lot of injustice to that poor woman, "She seemed more at peace. She asked where Edward was. I didn't know what to say."

"Just tell her that he's out on a mission." Roy grunted, "She'd forget she even asked in two seconds anyways."

Havoc was silent, staring at him sadly.

"You should visit her. I think it would help her."

"Help her or help me?" Roy glanced up sharply.

"I don't know." Havoc replied, looking down at the table, "But we have all noticed, we're all worried. We know you took their deaths hard - Riza and I just want to make sure that - you know.. " He trailed off.

"That I won't kill myself?" Roy asked bluntly.

"No." Havoc denied instantly, but it was as good as admitting that that was partially what they were afraid of. They all knew of Roy's background, his tendency to turn to that. Roy internally cursed his one moment of weakness that forever made people jumpy and unsure around him. Hated the way that they had all treated him after Edward's murder. It was as if they were unsure how best to talk to him, like they could set him off at any moment. They didn't even know that suicide was the last thing on his mind at the moment.

"Actually," Roy started after a long moment of silence, thinking - suddenly deciding that it would be best if he didn't tell the others about this plan. Not this one. Because if he failed to bring down the King, if he failed to finish what Edward started, it should only be him that would be taken down. He didn't need to put any more lives in danger. Not after all those he had lost the first time, "Perhaps I should visit her." He ended, changing his mind on what he was going to say halfway through.

He didn't want to see the girl, he desperately didn't want to look at her face ever again. But he knew, deep down, that he had to. It was part of this journey. Part of owning up to what he had done.

Havoc stared at him as if seeing through him, uncanny how much he looked like Maes in that moment Roy thought. There was a sudden dark movement that Roy caught out of the corner of his eye and Roy couldn't help but impulsively turn and look, hoping to see Ed watching them talk, seeing nothing but a shadow.

"What?" Havoc asked quickly, looking that direction as well.

"Nothing." Roy waved off, "Thought I saw something."

"Well," Havoc continued, "If you want me or Riza to come with you when you visit her-"

"No thank you."

Havoc frowned, obviously not thinking this was such a good idea. He had proposed for Roy to go see Ms. Rockbell, but hadn't anticipated the man to actually heed his advice. The strange flick of Roy's head towards the fridge caught Havoc off guard, giving him chills. Sitting here, talking to the man, it was obvious something was extremely off. Roy was so detached, not really looking at him, not really talking to him. It was a look at the Rockbell girl had given him before.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Havoc prodded.

"No." Roy stated flatly, eyes flashing. Havoc got this distinct impression that, even though he and Roy had been friends for a while, even though he had been invited into the house, he was suddenly not welcome. There was a strange undercurrent of hostility that was making him defensive and on edge. It was frightening. Like he was dealing with someone so wildly depressed and unlike himself, so angry at him for simply caring, that Havoc didn't quite know what to do. He wished so desperately that Riza had come herself instead of him. He didn't want to be here anymore, he wanted to leave and make Riza talk some sense into the man. Riza knew him better, Riza was a _woman_. The thought of Roy going to visit Winry in this state gave Havoc the creeps.

"Look - I know you wanted to protect the brothers. But Edward wasn't in his right mind. He was just impatient, he was hurting, it was nothing that you could have done-"

"Don't."

Havoc paused, Roy's voice so raw and harsh, like a growl.

"Don't try and say that it was his fault. It was _never_ Edward's fault."

"I'm not, I'm just saying that you can't feel this guilty over what happened." Havoc stated, taken aback.

"Edward was the best of all of us." Roy stated, voice suddenly softer, "And we let him down."

And that was that. Havoc couldn't get anything else out of the man and gave up, fearing him a little. Instead he moved onto safer conversation, like the job, like the new government. Things that they agreed upon were awful. The more Roy talked the more Havoc was aware of how disturbed the man was. It was well hidden, of course, Roy didn't outwardly show it, but it was all in reading the vibe. After knowing Mustang long enough it was easy to pick apart when things were not right.

"Promise me you'll tell Riza or I before you go visit Ms. Rockbell." Havoc stated, before turning to leave, "We'll come with you."

"Of course." Roy stated.

* * *

Of course. Perhaps visiting the girl would provoke Edward to come back. The very thought of visiting the Rockbell girl was enough to send shivers down his spine. He already had a rough time looking her in the face after shooting her parents in Ishbal, how awful now to have not only taken her family but her sanity as well? If anything Winry's position was the one he was least to blame for, but he still could have protected her. He still had sit, idle, knowing what had happened to her.

It was something Edward had told him he would never forgive him for. One of the many things that Edward would have yelled at him before he had gone off and gotten himself shot.

It was only now, as he was standing before her room, looking down at the cold surgical handle, that he felt like running.

But, if anything he owed it to her. He hadn't seen her since... since she had first been recovered. He remembered her face then, bloodied and mangled and how she had been blubbering nonsense at him, her fingernails scratching into Edward's skin as he tried to hold her up and simultaneously keep her from launching herself at him, hysteria in her eyes, blood running down her pale thigh. It had been enough to turn his stomach. He owed her this one last visit, Edward would have wanted him to make sure she was still.. at peace. He was sure that she was not okay - the doctors had told him she would never be okay again.

Roy hoped that she was calmer than she had been the last time he had seen her.

He rubbed his hands together for a long moment, taking a few deep calming breathes.

"Sir?" The orderly asked, unlocking the door's many deadbolts. Winry was dangerous still, Roy realized, his insides twisting.

"I'm ready." He answered, but he wasn't. He could never be ready.

And, as the door swung open and he took his first look at her face he realized there was really no way someone could be ready for this. For her face - once so pretty - that was scarred and brutally twisted. She was hunched over her thin waif-like form, fingernails moving up and down her exposed legs like spiders as she rocked back and forth. Her blue eyes were wide and flicked instantly up at him as he entered the room.

"I'll be outside if things get out of hand." The orderly stated softly, moving out of the room and closing the door softly behind her.

Roy took in a slow breath, looking up at the woman that looked ready to bolt, absolutely terrified by him being in the same room as her. Her mouth was opened like a silent scream was trying to work its way out and it was so disturbed to look at her twisted face that Roy had to look away.

"Hello, Winry." He stated softly.

He got no response but loud shallow breathing.

How had she seemed more peaceful? Was it just him that she reacted like this too? Was she peaceful when Havoc came? Roy hadn't told the others he was coming and now he wished he had, he could barely look at her without the deepest feeling of remorse.

"Y-you!" Winry half screamed, fingernails digging into her legs in fright.

"Do you recognize me?" Roy asked.

"No." She replied, "Edward? Ed? Al?"

"No." Roy stated.

"No?" She echoed.

"They're not here." Roy responded.

"No? Ed? I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

Roy swallowed thickly.

"No, Winry._ I'm_ sorry."

"So sorry." Winry whispered.

"So sorry." Roy agreed.

She shook her head over and over so fast it was almost inhuman, her hair pulling, long enough to get caught in her shaking arms. There were scratch marks, deep like grooves in her legs, her toes curling and uncurling into the sheets so much they were permanently wrinkled and her chin quivering. She couldn't look at Roy, but looked at everything around him, shaking her head over and over as she did, denying he was really there, terrified of any other person being in the room with her.

"Out. OUT!" She screamed, moving to lash out, arms shackled to the bed.

Roy watched her in silence for a long moment.

"Winry." He stated softly, ignoring her screams, "I see him. I see Edward."

"Edward. Ed?" She whispered, stunned into temporary submission at the mere sound of Edward's name, of her savior's name. "Edward?" She turned to him hopefully, hoping it was Edward, not Roy, not well enough to know it wasn't.

Roy didn't know what admitting this to her would do. Perhaps as he watched her in all her broken and tortured glory he wondered if he perhaps could be like this - would he end up shackled to a bed? Was his illusions just the first sign? Was insanity a disease? Roy shivered as he watched her start to rock again, fingernails digging into her legs again. Her grief had eaten her up, her terror had filled her. Tortured until she had given in, she knew full well of what she had done and that - more than the pain her tormentors inflicted - had broken her.

"Alphonse? Al? Ed?" She called out softly like a child, "I'm so sorry. So sorry."

Roy closed his eyes, pinching his nose, not knowing what this was going to accomplish, not knowing what visiting Winry would ever do for him. She would never remember he had visited, she didn't even know who was sharing the room with her. His mere presence in the room had done her more harm than good, her agitation was horrible to witness. She was absolutely horrified, trembling like a leaf, begging softly with sorry's - just in case he happened to be Edward.

He turned then, without another word, or another glance at her, and left. He shut the door behind him and locked it himself, locked her away. He would never ever visit her ever again and he knew it in that moment. He would never allow himself to witness what true insanity looked like lest he turn into that.

He had visited once, for Edward's sake.

And with that he spun on his heel and moved through the building at a speed walk, more petrified than ever to get out of this place, feeling the orderlies look at him as if they knew already he was seeing things. The sudden frightening dellusion that they knew already, that this had all been a trap suddenly took over him. Havoc had been in on it, they had set him up - any second now a nurse would pump him full of drugs and he'd be stuck in here, locked away to a bed like Rockbell.

But, as he moved out of the building, all that they said was a brief curt "good day" and Roy was freed out onto the dingy street. He didn't look back at the asylum, instead, he headed back for the library, determined to find Edward again, determined to get some answers.


	6. THE PAST: III

The Greatest Enemy

_represent_

**Author's Note**: I know I've been missing for a long time, but I keep going back to this story and I really want to finish it. I know that not very many people have even read what I've posted so far but its going to bother me if I don't keep going with this story. So, if there IS anyone out there, hopefully this is good news. And hopefully more people start reading this and reviewing because it happens to be my least popular story, but also my favorite story. :) Anyways, I'm not going to promise to completely finish since life always ends up catching up to me and I get really behind with writing it, but hopefully I can chug away until its at least somewhat done. For those of you that have reviewed this story, thank you! I don't really know why it doesn't get much attention - perhaps because I don't give away much of the plot right away.. or maybe the fact that it jumps from past to present confuses people. I set this story up so that there are two parallel converging story lines which I guess can get frustrating maybe? :L

* * *

- FOUR YEARS AGO-

* * *

There was a soft ticking of the clock across the office and Roy's fingers were tense along his pen as he stared blankly outside the small window onto the courtyard. Unfolding in front of him was a multitude of people, moving this way and that, like ants as the end of the work day started to draw near. It was hard to concentrate on finishing his paperwork when he had been expecting a call from someone for about an hour and there had been no report back. Roy's lips pursed, sufficiently distracted, as he forced his eyes away from the courtyard where there was no sign of a red coat, and back to the task at hand.

Edward loved to frustrate him and rarely thought far enough ahead to call him if he was going to be late, but Armstrong had arrived back a little while ago without the alchemist in tow. He had merely shrugged, stating that the kid hadn't gotten off the train he was supposed to be on. Roy's teeth gritted as he signed his name, not really reading or digesting what he had just signed, and flung it on top of the pile, pushing away from his desk. He already knew he wasn't going to get anything else done and there was ten minutes left until he could head home. Worry was gnawing in the pit of his stomach. This was part of the reason why he had been hesitant about starting a relationship with Edward in the first place. Fullmetal wasn't very reliable and always made him worry.

He had been getting better about letting him know when he was going to be late for the past few months, but he was still reckless. Roy had gotten angry enough times for Edward to learn to keep the man updated, so usually if Edward hadn't been able to make it on the train he would have called to let them know. Not hearing a peep from the other, and not having a clue as to why or where Edward was was frustrating. Hell, being in a relationship with someone that was constantly out of town in dangerous situations was frustrating. However, the kid was pretty tenacious and while Roy had always learned to assume the worse it would take a lot to bring Edward down.

It would just be nice to get a phone call, that was all, Roy reasoned.

He sighed, pushing away from his desk and glancing once more out into the courtyard, dark eyes scanning back and forth for a quick moment, intensely searching across blonde heads, knowing instantly that Edward wasn't among them. He had been looking forward to today for about three weeks now. Having sent Edward out on a mission almost a month ago he had been lonely without the other around to make a mess of his kitchen, use all the hot water, and place his shoes in the middle of the doorway. Things had been decidedly more dismal and boring without the alchemist.

He gathered his things, locking away the documents and tiding up his desk with a slower more deliberate pace before he finally reached for his coat and shrugged it on quickly, glancing up and outside the office seeing Riza and Havoc sitting still at their desks finishing up a few last minute things. Roy grabbed the pile of papers that he had managed to get done and pushed through the door and into the main foyer, placing them down on top of her desk.

"I'll get them done tomorrow." He promised before she had a chance to open up her frown and patronize him, "Any news on why Fullmetal didn't show for our meeting?"

Riza grabbed the papers in her hands, tapping the edge of them along the table for a moment with a small sigh and locking them in a drawer for tomorrow. She frowned and shook her head, pushing a bit of her hair out of the way.

"No, sir. We've contacted the station over in South City and they said that Fullmetal never arrived at the station at all today." This wasn't anything new. Fullmetal had oftentimes ended up straying under the radar. It was part of the reason why Roy had people follow him when he had been very young. The kid liked to get into trouble, and when he had been twelve Roy had always had someone shadowing him for his own protection. Now that Edward was a grown adult, Roy had found less of a need. Especially since there hadn't really been any missions that were dangerous enough to warrant Fullmetal to be tailed. Also, Edward would have found out and would have been extremely ticked off to know that Roy was still trying to spy on him.

Roy rubbed his chin for a moment, trying to appear more annoyed and less concerned.

"I'm sure he will turn up in the next day or so." Riza stated softly, sensing Mustang's unease, "He probably just had to tie up some loose ends before heading back. Its not the first time."

Havoc merely sent Roy a small grin, not alarmed at all by Edward's absence.

"Alright, well hopefully he shows up tomorrow." Roy growled softly, playing the part of a frustrated and annoyed superior officer in the face of a disobedient subordinate. However, both Riza and Havoc shared a small glance and smiled to each other turning back to their work. It wasn't a big secret that Mustang had always had the Elric's best interests at heart.

"How long are the two of you staying?" Roy asked briefly before he moved to leave for the parking lot.

"We're wrapping things up right now." Riza sighed, "Still working on the budget report."

"Are we still meeting up at the bar tonight?" Havoc asked. The crew had been planning on getting together at the local pub downtown for Edward's arrival, but now that the blonde had failed to make it back to Central… Havoc rubbed his eyes for a moment, tired from looking at papers all day and he frowned as he looked between Riza and Roy. For the past few years Edward had started to become more and more integrated in the team. When he had been younger he simply hadn't had the maturity to really relate with Roy's whole team or really understand the deeper workings of what went on. As Edward had grown up he had gotten a lot closer with all of the them - Havoc and Riza especially.

"I think I'm just going to head home," Roy stated, "I'm exhausted."

It was a lie, but since the whole point of going to the bar was moot instead the anxiety of not knowing why Fullmetal hadn't shown up was eating at him. The last thing he really wanted to do was go off and pretend to have a good time.

"I'll see the both of you tomorrow."

"Sir."

"Goodnight, sir."

As Roy moved down the steps he let out a soft breath which swirled and dispersed above his head in a depressive haze. The cold outside bit into his bones. He was getting older and his joints like to remind him of that. He tugged his coat further around himself, moving through the courtyard that had been devoid of the blond- was still devoid of the blond. Roy knew he was stupid to worry so much, Edward was more than likely fine. But, ever since Alphonse had been restored and had moved back to Risembool with Winry Edward had been different. More mature in many ways, but he had a certain edge which Roy had never truly felt in the other before. A more dangerous and careless kind of mentality. Yes, Fullmetal had always been particularly reckless, but there was a difference. Some kind of self-preservation in him had been altered. It was only noticeable in certain situations. Edward lacked any fear. And that's what made Roy worry. There was a strange kind of darkness and irrationality that had grown in the older Elric.

It seemed that ever since Edward had completed his goal of returning Alphonse to his original body it was like the blond felt his obligation was done and threw himself into things with even less planning than normal.

It was for that exact reason that Hakuro banned Fullmetal from the field for about a year. Now that he had been released Roy hoped that he wasn't wrong in letting Edward leave. The whole thing made him uneasy. He would love to be able to say that he understood all of Edward's strange eccentricities now that they had been together for over five years now but the truth was that the blond was constantly evolving and changing, always leaving him off guard and surprised. This was only a small example.

Roy flicked the lights on in the house, pausing for a moment to lament in how quiet and dismal it was without the other here. He moved into the kitchen, shrugging his jacket off and plopping it across Edward's chair before pulling open the refrigerator and finding the chicken he had bought for them both to eat tonight as a small celebration of Edward coming home. His eyes skimmed across it, before he reached behind it and grabbed a beer, popping the top off against the counter in a swift movement and leaving the cap on the floor if only to make it appear for a brief moment that Edward _had_ come home. With a soft snort he retired to the couch and appreciated his beer in silence.

His eyes scanned along the room, to the empty fireplace.

It was cold, and he weighed his options for a long moment. Either get up and stoke the fire and wait for the house to warm itself, or down more beer until he was buzzed enough to not feel the cold.

He ended up choosing the latter, falling asleep early against the couch. It was around eleven at night that the phone sprung to life with a harsh shriek, causing him to jump and give a soft cry. Slightly buzzed still it took Roy a full minute to realize what was going on before he pulled himself up and moved to the kitchen.

"Mustang." He greeted gruffly.

"Hey, it's me."

Roy was silent for a long moment before relief flooded through him and he slumped into the kitchen table, sitting on top of it and rubbing his forehead briefly to curtail what he was sure to be an impending headache.

"I'm sorry." Edward stated sheepishly into the line. His voice crackled in and out. He obviously took Roy's silence as either relief or anger, or both. More likely both.

"What the hell, Ed." Roy stated, almost defeated, "Where are you?"

"I got caught up in something here, I have to stay at least another week." Edward explained softly, his voice small and tinny through the line. It faded in and out and Roy could hear the roar of wind in the background. His eyes narrowed a little as he leaned back against the wall where the kitchen table was pressed.

"It had better be a good reason." Roy stated, "Explain yourself."

There was a small amused pause. Roy could practically feel the other smiling on the other end of the line at his no-nonsense tone of voice.

"Well when I got here things were a little different than you described to me."

Edward had been sent on this mission because there had been small scale rebellions happening outside of Dublith near South City. They started out with demonstrations that had turned violent and then small scale terrorist attacks such as throwing rocks through certain business windows. It had even gotten to the point where there had been an attempted murder of the mayor. The whole country itself was in a time of peace that had lasted a record long time of over six years. Small scale rebellions here and there were the only thing that State had to worry about and they had been happening with more and more frequency in the outskirts of the country. However they had never really been seen as a major threat. Edward had been looking forward to spending some time with his brother, who had stationed himself with Winry in Rush Valley as she endeavored to open her own automail shop.

"Things have been escalating pretty quickly." Edward continued when Roy didn't say anything, "The day I got here there was a car bombing and riots. Remember that article we read years ago? Well that guy lives in Dublith and he's been leading rallies and holding marches for the past few months. He's gathered quite a lot of followers. I don't think you knew exactly how many people were involved in this because I might need some backup."

Roy frowned, hand clenching on the phone. It was unusual that he didn't know exactly what he was getting into - or rather what he was getting Edward into. As far as he had known the mission was supposed to be quick. Send Fullmetal out there to slap some people on the wrists, leave the city in peace, remind them that they were under the control of the State military, and then get Edward back on a train home. It was only supposed to take three weeks tops. It was even rarer that Edward would suggest needing assistance. Usually the blond hated to swallow his pride and admit he needed help.

"What's exactly going on?"

There was a brief pause on the receiver and Roy strained to hear the other over the sound of static.

"I can't hear you, Ed."

"-ere is a massive storm right now." Edward's voice faded back in from where it had been crackling, "It's been pretty windy the past few days. They say it might knock out the phone lines so if I go dead its not 'cause I'm hanging up on you."

Roy's jaw clenched at the other's lame attempt at a joke.

"Anyways-" Edward continued, for the moment the line was unhindered, "The people here have been rebelling against the law enforcement, and in general against the State. I think the tax raises provoked most of this, but its really been this guy that's been egging on people here. He wants to restructure the government - get rid of the Military State, implement a democracy instead. Says that government shouldn't be run by the military, that the people shouldn't be afraid of their government being able to be stronger than them. He doesn't think too kindly of State Alchemists either, but what's new there huh? Started out with small scale demonstrations and marches but as soon as the military here tried to tone it down things grew violent pretty fast."

"Exactly how big have these rebellions been?" Roy asked, having been told that it had just been a small group of maybe ten to twenty demonstrators that had been causing the city issues.

"-at?" Edward crackled.

"How many people are involved?" Roy asked again, growing frustrated at not being able to communicate.

"Oh." Edward stated after a long pause, apparently the line taking a while to deliver the question, "Well, when I first got here there was only around twenty people, but in the last week a lot of the civilians have joined - the last demonstration was a few days ago, over a hundred easily were outside the capitol."

Not okay. Roy felt his stomach twist a little at the thought of having sent Edward out there to deal with something of that magnitude by himself. Especially if the whole riot was directed against the State and against alchemists in particular. Roy swallowed for a moment, frustrated, not used to being unaware of what was going on in other cities. Sure, communication had been lacking the past few years simply because people had gotten relaxed and lazy. Nothing had been going on, therefore Roy hadn't kept his usual vigilance when it came to watching over the different residing areas of outer Amestris.

"Hey." Edward stated softly, almost smelling Roy's unease, "I'll be okay, I've been in worse shit than this. Besides Al's with me."

"I'll order backup tomorrow morning and they'll be there within a few days. Can you keep everything calm until then?" Roy asked smoothly, slipping back into action-mode. There was silence on the other side of the receiver, and Roy wasn't sure if this was Edward's hesitation over his ability to keep things calm, or if it was the delay caused by the static. After a moment the other spoke again, giving only a grunt of confirmation, but it obviously wasn't as certain as Roy would have liked it to be. One State Alchemist versus a hundred civilians wasn't exactly good odds, and even though there were a few alchemists and military men stationed in West City the amount of troops that used to be stationed there had decreased due to a peace treaty signed between Aerugo and Amestris, one of the conditions being that the militia stationed in West City be dispersed.

"Roy-" Edward started, but there was a sudden hiss on the other end of the receiver and Roy tensed, waiting.

"Edward?" He asked, hearing nothing but static in response before the line clicked dead. His hand tightened on the receiver before he tore it away from his ear and angrily slammed it back into the holder. Worry raced through him for a long moment before he picked the phone back up where he had left it and dialed a new number. The fact that they were targeting alchemists was not lost on Roy. He felt like he had sent a lamb into a tiger fight. He then scoffed himself as the phone rang, his eyes flicking up to the clock to see the hour, hoping that Falman would pick up. To view Fullmetal as a lamb was ludicrous, Roy forced himself to trust in the other's abilities. After all – Edward was more than just an alchemist, he was a genius. If anything his intellect was his greatest weapon. Roy felt a little better that Alphonse was with him as well, meant that Edward would be more careful about putting them both into unnecessary danger. Alphonse also wasn't as tied to the military as Fullmetal was, meaning he could be used as an asset...

"-Hello?" Falman answered, on about the twenty-fifth ring, shocking Roy out of his thoughts.

"The situation in near South City is more heated than predicted. We need to send out a group of troops to back Fullmetal up, as soon as possible. Try and contact the General in South City as well."

* * *

The minute Roy stepped into the office the next morning he was called into the Fuhrer's office. No doubt information regarding the situation in the West had made it to the upper brass, and no doubt most of the blame was going to be put on him. Roy gave pause at the door for a brief moment, before stepping inside, going through the motions of salute.

"Sir." He stated, eyes darting to the other two figures sharing the room with them. Hakuro gave him a sneer, and Basque Gran merely pretended he didn't exist.

"I have been informed of the situation in South City." The Fuhrer stated, getting up slowly like a lotus out of his seat and, although he was about three inches shorter than all the men in this room, his grace as he moved spoke of martial arts training and his posture alone took made his presence feel larger than all of them combined. Roy said nothing for a moment, allowing the man to get to the point. He was certain that his team was already working on figuring out more information, he just had to make it through this meeting.

"You have become complacent, Brigadier General Mustang. Its not often that you are taken off guard. Loosing your touch?"

Roy bristled a little, but didn't let it show. He could practically feel the waves of smug radiating off of Hakuro's twitching upper lip at hearing Mustang get chastised for once. It was no secret Hakuro sought to undermine him at any possible turn to his own advantage. However, this time, the Fuhrer was partially right. He had become complacent. And he had put Edward in danger in his own negligence.

"Sir. The reports I had received from South City weren't cause for immediate alarm, the situation has progressed in the past few days beyond anyone's control." Roy stated carefully, "My team is already putting together a task force to deal with it delicately."

"Your team?" Hakuro sneered, "Aren't they the ones in charge of monitoring that area in the first place? Look what good that's done."

"Perhaps it is best if Brigadier General Gran takes over this task." The Fuhrer suggested softly. Roy felt an icicle slide down his spine, he had not expected to get thrown off the mission all together.

"Sir." Gran stated roughly and nodded his head in admission, his eyes flicking over to judge Mustang's reaction, but Roy wouldn't give him the satisfaction. Gran was the last person that should be put in charge of delicate situations, and if anything the rebellion in the south needed a soft hand. He opened his mouth to argue, before closing it. It would do no good to try and talk things through with the Fuhrer, it would only put him in deeper trouble. He would be no help to Fullmetal if he was barred completely from this mission.

"Sir, I would request to assist Brigadier General Gran. It is my responsibility that this situation has gotten out of hand in the first place." Roy gritted out giving a small bow of his head, knowing full well the moment to back down.

"Very well. I want a report on what is going on in exactly three hours as well as any plan of action."

* * *

"What news?" Mustang growled, stepping inside his office where Havoc and Kain were huddled around the table sifting through maps and papers. His mood had dramatically plummeted with the knowledge that he didn't have complete control over how this situation was dealt with. Complacent? They had all become complacent. That's what having years and years of peace did to people. Roy cursed himself out in his head for being stupid enough to let his guard down for one second.

"The storm knocked out most of the power and the phone lines." Kain frowned, looking up from the papers and adjusting his glasses, "Getting anyone in - or out for that matter - is going to be nearly impossible. And getting information about what's going on is also exceedingly…." He paused searching for the right term, "Difficult." He settled.

"The storm also flooded the train rails." Havoc supplied, "They were never designed to take that much rain." The south was primarily a desert, meaning that heavy rainfall was very rare- but when it did rain it poured for days on end, making a complete mess of the city and blocking travel in or out for at least a week. Kain and Havoc both looked like they hadn't gotten any sleep. Havoc was puffing on a half-done cigarette. Roy could see a coffee mug filled with coffee gone cold, a subtle stain of lipstick on the edge, the tell-tale sign that Riza had been up most of the night as well although she wasn't in the room at the moment.

Roy walked past the two of them and slumped into his chair, stippling his fingers and giving a long aggravated sigh. It would do no good to let his emotions get the best of him.

"What else do we know?" He asked.

"The leader's name is Juda Wright. He's thirty five, a radical. Taught as a professor at the University." Havoc intoned, pulling out a newspaper and tapping on an article. Roy took it from him, flicking it a few times to iron out the wrinkle before blinking and staring down. It was familiar, but he couldn't put his finger on where he had seen it before. Not until he had read the first few paragraphs did he realize - Edward had shown it to him years ago. His eyes flicked up to the date.

"Do we have a picture?" He asked.

"Here, sir."

Riza clicked into the room stiffly, papers in stow under her arm. She pulled out the top one and handed it over to Roy as she placed the rest of the papers down onto the table.

"It was public record - a lot of the past information on professors from Southern University were relocated to Central Library during the worst of the Aerugian conflict." She continued, pushing back a stray piece of hair. She wasn't dressed in her normal slick attire, and looked half asleep, but none the less serious. "We have all of this information as of ten years ago. How accurate that is now, I'm not sure."

Roy held the picture up to the light. Wright was very young when this photo had been taken. His eyes were light, which Roy couldn't tell if that meant they were blue or another color as the photograph wasn't in color. His hair was dark and longer, though thoroughly well-kept and groomed. He had a shaven face, but there were small wrinkles around his eyes and his forehead from frowning. His gaze was rather intense, and he looked to be of mixed race, although what exactly Roy couldn't pinpoint. Maybe Cretian, he mused.

"He served as a volunteer in the military during the conflict with Aerugo, as a nurse." Riza continued, pulling out another file and placing it on the desk, "He hardly has a medical background, though."

"Parents? Lineage? Ethnicity?" Roy asked.

"Sorry, sir. Still looking into that."

"His motives are pretty clear." Havoc murmured, looking up from where he had been reading the article, "There's no love lost between him and the military state. Especially alchemists."

"Makes sense." Kain intoned, "Considering South City had the largest and most corrupt military personnel stationed there for years. This isn't the first time there's been a rebellion against the government there."

"Did he serve in the Ishval?" Roy asked suddenly, feeling like the name was extremely familiar.

"Not sure.." Hawkeye intoned, still going through the papers.

Roy steeped his fingers for a moment, deep in thought.

"Mustang - I want a thorough update on any intelligence you have." A voice rang out, and Roy's eyes flicked up to see Gran looking sufficiently pleased with himself in the doorway. His team blinked and turned to him expectantly, confused. Roy paused maybe a beat.

"Brigadier General Gran is heading this operation." He intoned neutrally. Havoc's mouth hung open a little for a moment, his cigarette precariously tilting on the edge of his bottom lip. It wasn't everyday that a case got swept out from Mustang's control. It was clear that, despite the cool facade Mustang was irked. His frown was a little deeper than normal and his fingers were tense.

Hawkeye shot him a look. A look that said they were in deep shit. Because, all of them realized that Fullmetal's wellbeing hung in the balance and that this situation was especially complicated - and Gran didn't quite understand the complexities of things like this quite like Mustang did. If he could he would attempt to smash the rebellion with his fists - but Roy knew that any violence against the rebels would only incite a hundred more. The situation was already escalating quickly and if a gentle hand didn't try and disperse of it gently it would only get more and more problematic.


	7. THE PRESENT: III

The Greatest Enemy

_represent_

* * *

_Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk…._

"Hello? Hell-ooooo?" The voice persisted, echoing down the narrow hallway, getting a bit strained, "Is anyone there?" There was a small hitching gasp and then the pounding started again, renewed and a bit more panicked.

"HELLO?"

"Hellloooo?" Roy called, blinking a few times in hazy confusion before beginning a brisk walk down the hallway in search for the source of the sound.

_Thunk thunk thunk thu-_

There was a silent pause in which the other person obviously realized someone had responded. In shock the voice replied back after a moment.

"Get me out!" It - no he, Roy registered- ordered, more like pleaded, "Here, I'm over here. I think its a closet." He banged against the door a few more times, the sound was muffled and frantic. The door solid and unwavering, unapologetic.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," Roy yelled back, running toward the closet. The door was locked. Why was the door locked? He stood back from it for a second, jiggling the handle again and again, the cool metal of the old cast iron knob winked up at him sadistically. "It's locked!"

"I know that, you bastard! I've figured that out by now." The voice snapped from inside, in an extremely pissed off and familiar tone before it sobered up - realizing that this person was the only one that could help them and calling them names wasn't good. "J-Just.. you don't understand, you have to get me out _now_.. there must be a key or something..Look around.."

"Edward?" Roy started, voice slightly panicked. So this had been why he hadn't come to see him. This was why he had been disappearing for hours on time. He was locked in there. Roy pressed his cheek against the wood, feeling the grain beneath his fingers. "Edward... where are the keys at?"

"Roy?" The voice seemed a bit surprised, "This is YOUR closet?" The voice was suddenly accusing before there was a scuffling noise and then, "How am I supposed to know? Its your fucking house!"

Roy blinked and turned around, looking at the narrow dark hallway. His house? It was familiar, and yet different at the same time. As for this closet, he never locked it. He didn't even think it had a lock to begin with. He took off after a moment down the hallway, but as his pace quickened it seemed to stretch out in front of him. The doors to the study and the bathroom never came, an endless tube of an unforgiving black abyss lined with sickly beige wallpaper warped around him and with each tread of his foot along the pale linoleum tiling the light from behind gave a sigh and in nonchalance grew dimmer and the hallway grew tighter until the dust from the walls was actually rubbing off against his shoulders and it took effort to take each step forward, and like a weight a foreboding feeling crept through his bones that the key wasn't here (or if it was here this hallway was never-ending, who was to say the key ever existed in the first place?) and with a shuddering breath he whipped around to see the slice of light, like a crooked smile, illuminating two very real, very strong, very locked solid oak doors - which were now rat-tatting again with a frantic _thump thump thump thump…_

He paused, uncertain anymore of himself, knowing the hallway would only keep constricting the more he tried to push himself through it. He followed the hallway back to its origin, stopping at the end where the oak doors seemed to tower over him, a looming gate. The fact that this was a closet door seemed to escape him, forgotten, he pounded onto the wood not even hearing the hollow sound behind they were so thick.

"They're not here, Ed." He admitted defeat, trying to see the lock and looking around for something to pick it with, coming up with empty hands after scouring his pajama pants and the darkest corners of the empty room he was in.

"You said that there were keys!" Edward bellowed.

"Well DUH its LOCKED!" Roy yelled back at him, "That would imply KEYS!"

There was silence after that before another sound like Ed was trying to stand up or something inside there. There was labored breathing after a moment, quick and afraid - giving Edward away. Despite his words and tone he was terrified.

"Get me out, Roy." He suddenly blurted, "Get me OUT."

"I can't... I can't..." Roy called back, searching around. The carpet was plush beneath his fingers, almost pliable. He reached down and searched around, the carpet swaying like thousands of blades of grass, constantly changing and moving. Blindly Roy reached around, on hands and knees in front of the door that Edward was now pounding on again _(thump thump thump thump…)_ and his clumsy fingers hit something unmoving and cold. Gripping onto it he tugged, and tugged, until with a satisfying "pop" it was pulled up out of the ground like some sort of plant and Roy instantly held the item up to the light, seeing the hundreds of keys that jingled on one old brass ring.

"Fuck." He managed softly, fumbling through them as they tinkled in amusement at him, like a myriad of tiny children's giggles.

"I don't think you get it - you HAVE to get me OUT! NOW." Edward's voice cracked, punctuated by horror and he slammed into the door again, it rattled a bit but refused to give way.

"Hang on." Roy muttered, getting up and trying to find the keyhole.

"GET ME OUT NOW!" Ed all but screamed, apparently terrorized by whatever was locked up in the closet with him that had him so agitated, "_NOW,_ ROY!"

"I'm trying!" Roy called, voice trying to remain calm. "I'm trying Edward. You need to calm down. You have to calm down and tell me what is going on in there."

There was muffled thumps violent in nature from inside the closet and a frightened yelp before the door hammered again and shook.

"I'm TRYING," Roy grated again, panic fluttering in his chest. He had to get him out of there. He had to get Edward out of there. Even his gloves would have worked, but he didn't have them. He couldn't find them anywhere. He shook the door and tried to shove different keys into the lock but it was no use. Each time he tried to put a key inside the lock, Edward ran his full weight into the door making it buckle and shove into Roy's hands, knocking the keys out. Roy would grab them barely before they were swallowed up again by the plush carpeting.

"Please!" Edward's voice had digressed into panicked useless pleadings and unfinished sentences, "Its- oh shit… ROY! I can't breathe-Help me!"

"IT'S WHAT?" Roy begged, feeling some sticky and wet wash underneath the door as his fingers strained to keep ahold of the keys. It was staining the carpet, like ink, thick and dark, and he couldn't figure out what it was.

There was a sudden crash and the door slammed and a shrill scream of pain and terror that had only ever once left Edward's lips while he had been alive - at Al's execution. A loud scuffle and sobbing.

"OUT OUT I NEED OUT!" He managed between punctuated sobs and short screams of fright.

What was the liquid? Roy stood slowly, looking down at his hands, they were red. He gave a frightened noise, trying to wipe the blood off of them, but it only smeared further and further up his arms and onto his face, dripping down his neck and winding down his chest. Even as he shifted it sloshed around his boots, and as he looked down the liquid was eating away at him, making him sink, heavier and heavier into the carpet. Edward was slamming on the door with renewed vigor, the thumping of it ricocheting and echoing like gunfire, _bang bang bang bang.._

With a cry Roy rammed his full weight onto the door.

"Edward?" He ran against it again, attempting to open it.

"Edward?"

The ability to form words had left in a panicked fervor as screaming and hitched sobbing took its place and there were loud violent noises of things ripping and breaking and bodies smashing against very solid things. And whatever was inside the closet with Edward apparently was quite possibly worse than all the homunculi put together and opening the door not only would get Edward out but loosen the thing inside as well and Roy wasn't sure if he could handle unleashing whatever else was in that closet.

There was a choking wet sound and a _thump_ and labored breathing and silence.

"Ed!" Roy screamed, his voice turning raw, he could feel tears carving through the caked blood on his cheeks as he struggled to pull on the handle but the coagulated blood on his hands made them slip, oozing in between his fingers and under his fingernails, betraying him. He could hear the ringing noise of the gunfire, left over in the sudden silence as he struggled against the door pitifully, desperately, but uselessly. He couldn't help him, he couldn't save him. "ED! NO!"

With a sudden loud snap like a window cracking open and banging against the pane the whole hallway seemed to waver and collapse into a single point around him, muffling his ears and he felt his body shudder.

_Thump thump thump thump thump…_

"…Mustang?"

Roy blinked, heaving and entangled in what felt like fifty pounds of sheets as he pushed himself up off the pillow.

"_Fuck._" He panted, stilling as the noise persisted, even beyond the vestiges of the nightmare. Out of instinct he turned to his right, the empty side of the bed proof enough than Edward was still dead. The noise of someone pounding on the door was still there and he felt his muscles go tense again, realizing it was his front door. He rolled, struggling against the blankets, and glanced at the clock before plucking himself out of his sweaty sheets. He knew he probably looked like shit, so, in a last ditch attempt to appear semi-normal, he wiped the sweat off of his face, tried some semblance of a hair-style, pulled on some pants that were lying on his floor and a shirt over his head and padded out of the room.

As he turned into his hallway he paused, eyes flicking along it, but it was innocently the same as it ever was. The closet door near the end was tucked away along a wall, the single light wood door was ajar, as it always was, there was no lock installed on it. Roy swallowed for a moment, before following the hallway down and turning to peer out the side window to see who was at the door. This time lazy sunlight slitted through the blinds and cast streaks of pale paint across the hardwood floor, the hallway didn't seem nearly as menacing as it had, Roy noted.

"Let me in!" Riza's voice rang out through the empty house. Roy shivered pausing before looking around for a way out. "I know you're in there." Riza read his mind, her fist pounding again on the door although, with less vigor than she had before.

With a sigh, Roy flicked open the multiple locks on the front door and swung it open.

"Riza." He greeted.

She paused, hand still outstretched in mid-thump, silent as she took him in. He had to give her credit she didn't flinch as much as he thought she would have. Instead she just recomposed herself, ran her hands down the front of her shirt to iron out any creases and gave a small sigh.

"Can I come in, sir?" She intoned calmly.

She was impeccable as ever, Roy noted, peering at her tucked bun and pressed skirt over his cup of warm tea. She crossed her legs after a moment, the only sign that this unnatural silence that had descended between them was effecting her.

"Have you been drinking?" She asked. No need to beat around the bush. Her attempt at an intervention with Havoc had backfired, and so she was here to get the job done right. Roy frowned after a moment, taking a long sip of his tea.

"No." He answered truthfully enough. Not in the way she thought, not in the way he had after Ishval.

She seemed to believe him, giving a short nod before her eyes wandered around the place, taking in the mess. Roy was usually a very tidy person, but there were clothes and empty dishes strewn along the floors and the table tops.

"When was the last time you took a shower?" Her eyes darted back to him. She wasn't afraid of him, Roy realized. She was probably the only one he mused. Everyone else had avoided him like the plague, and it was no wonder. Roy was certain that the intensity of his grief and his own guilt over what had happened was enough to drive away most people. However Riza didn't seemed to be undeterred even by his discheivled appearance. She was perhaps the only person that had continued to push her way in, to make sure he was doing ok, after Edward's death. It hadn't been easy either, even now, Roy felt the urge he always did when he was around people - the urge to push them away. It was more poignant with Riza, however, because Riza was the only person left after Edward had gone that truly understood him.

"I'm going to give you a haircut." She stated after long silence, clearly the fact that Roy wasn't feeling up to keeping conversation didn't effect her. There were only three people that Roy could remember that were ok with silence, Maes, Edward, and Riza. It was one of the reasons why she was more tolerable after the rebellion than anyone else. There was truly nothing left to say on Roy's end, about what happened, and talking about it only ripped the grief open even more. Riza seemed to understand that. She didn't pressure him to talk, instead she took a long sip of her tea, her eyes never leaving his face.

Roy didn't miss that the haircut wasn't posed as a question. It wasn't a request, he was going to get a haircut.

"And I'm going to clean up your house." She continued, "And wash your clothes."

"Alright." Roy stated.

She smiled, getting up and placing the mug in the sink.

"Let's start with the haircut."

They both said nothing as she got to work, and her fingertips in his hair was almost comforting. He hadn't had the touch of another human being in what seemed like forever. Her fingernails gently scraped his scalp as she worked, diligently measuring each clump of black hair as she went, working in silence. As she passed by the front of him he could see her brows were furrowed, she was biting her lip, it was a look that she often had when working on his paperwork for him. Roy knew that she loved him. If she didn't love him she wouldn't be here, cutting his hair for him, caring about him. She seemed to know that Roy wasn't at the talking stage yet, but merely her presence alone and her helping clean up his house was enough - for the moment - to give him some peace.

He felt his stomach clench a little at the thought as she hummed softly, smiling at him and dusting off stray strands from his nose. If she hadn't loved him - truly loved him - she wouldn't have remained a steadfast friend, even when knowing Roy had been with in love with someone else. Roy remembered the dream, the fear, the urge to slam the door in her face earlier. He remembered how he had treated her in the car, the uncalled for anger that seemed to always be bubbling close to the surface. This kind of explosive anger he had in him now he had attributed to his haunt. It seemed that only when Fullmetal was ghosting about did he have unexplainable outbursts of violence. Right now he felt empty, and guilty at having treated her poorly.

"Riza-" He began, starting to apologize. But she merely shushed him.

"I know." She whispered, "Don't talk - you tilt your head when you talk and I'm going to fuck up this side of your head."

Roy swallowed, allowing her to push his head back to straight - not realizing that he tilted his head.

He closed his eyes after a while as she kept clipping along, not realizing when he fell asleep, only to wake up after what seemed like hours, still in the chair, his neck sore. He blinked, thinking he had dreamed yet again, but the immaculate state of the kitchen was proof enough that Riza had been here. There was sound of sweeping in the hallway that indicated she wasn't done yet either. He got up slowly, running a hand through his hair, feeling how short it was. He hadn't had it this short since before the rebellion.

"You should take a shower."

Roy jumped a bit at the voice, the male voice. He spun quickly in the kitchen, seeing Edward leaning against the doorframe. Only - this time he wasn't dressed in his usual red jacket. He wasn't eighteen, he was in his twenties. There were small fine lines on his forehead and around his eyes from frowning and from being in the sun. His face was frecklier, his hair longer and pulled back in a ponytail, not a braid. He was taller, only an inch shorter than Roy, dressed in uniform. The blue was startling, but there were splashes of red leeching through, staining the fabric.

Roy didn't quite know what to do, he had never dealt with this Edward before, post death. In his mind the younger Edward Elric - the one that flitted in and out of his waking consciousness to serve to only remind him of what he had lost, the one with a metal arm - Roy called Fullmetal. There was a big difference between Fullmetal and Edward. Edward - his Edward - had never made a ghostly appearance before.

And yet here he was, looking at him with weary half-lidded eyes, two flesh arms crossed over his blood-stained chest.

"You awake?" Riza's voice floated from down the hallway. Roy tore his gaze away from Edward, however unwillingly, to look down the hallway, and when he looked back at the doorframe Edward had gone. It was rare enough now-a-days to even see him, much less this new version, and even less likely he would have shown up with Riza in the house. His presence made Roy even more anxious. It was different to be alone, in this house, with his own delusions. But Riza was here, and she was very real, and Edward he knew wasn't. This tension was dizzying. Roy took in a few breathes, his mind whirling.

"I'm going to take a shower." Forced out, making for the bathroom before Riza could see how distracted he was. And so he took Edward's advice, leaning heavily against the sink as he tried to calm his breathing. Why was his mind offering him this new evolved apparition? How come Edward now appeared to him older, in his uniform? What was his mind trying to tell him and why had he even appeared at all? Roy had spent countless hours trying to figure out why Fullmetal had appeared when he did. Tried to rake in every word he had said to him, and if it had some kind of deeper meaning. The last few weeks without Fullmetal had been lonely, he had been suffering trying to find out what he was doing wrong, if there was a trigger that caused Fullmetal to appear. But regardless he couldn't come up with a common denominator. Fullmetal's flighty presence seemed to follow no set of laws, no constants. He was unpredictable, just like he had been alive.

Roy rubbed his face over and over letting out a long hard breath before really looking at himself in the mirror.

He looked like shit, to be honest. But Riza had done a remarkable job getting his hair looking decent.

As he took his shower he thought back to his dream. Of course, it wasn't to hard to decipher what it meant. Their whole relationship consisted of Roy trying to hide Edward from everything. To keep him from danger, to protect him. To make sure no one knew about them. The irony of Edward being locked in a closet though made Roy gruff. If anything it was the opposite. Roy had never truly come to grips with his own sexuality, Edward had been the more honest and open of the two of them.

When he got out of the shower he found clean clothes awaiting him. After pulling them on, he found Riza in the kitchen, a simple sandwich awaiting him on the table.

"Thank you." He stated, looking at how clean the house was. It did wonders actually, to not be living in a cesspool of his own guilt. The state of the house had been a reflection of his own declining state.

"You're welcome." She stated. "Will you tell me now, what's on your mind?"

Roy chewed the sandwich thoughtfully for a long moment.

"I'm your friend, Roy." She reminded him gently, as if he needed reminding, "You don't have to go through this alone. I told you I would always be there. Even if you don't want me to be."

Would she still want to be there if he knew that he had seen Edward, bullet holes and all, in the exact doorway she was standing near only an hour earlier? Would she cart him off to some doctor? No, Roy mused. Riza, more than anyone, would understand. This depression and darkness he harbored inside, only people that had been through Ishval seemed to comprehend it. Edward had been perhaps the only other person that understood that kind of self-hate and despondency, although his past wasn't a war, but a gate and the foolish confidence of a arrogant child.

"I went to see Winry." Roy stated after a moment, "But you already know that."

Riza didn't say anything for a moment.

"Yes." She admitted, sitting down at the table across from him and looking into his own eyes, sharply. Her gaze was so intense it took a lot of his own willpower not to look away, "I was worried about you."

"I was fine." Roy stated lamely.

"You didn't look fine this morning." She mumbled, giving a small half-smile, "But you look a bit better now. Haircut did wonders for you."

Roy let out a small gruff.

"The girl is still the same as before." He stated softly, humor gone in his voice.

"I'm going to be completely honest with you." Riza stated, and Roy felt her shift in her chair, uncomfortably. He suddenly knew what she had done, could feel the waves of unease coming off of her. If he hadn't been so distracted, if his mind had been as sharp as it used to be, he would have seen this coming all along. He frowned, letting her say it instead. He could tell that she was not sure if it would provoke an angry violent outburst, her arms were tense, ready to ward off an attack.

"I had you go see her to judge your reaction." She finished, waiting for a response tensely, "I'm sorry. It was the only way to see what was really going on. You wouldn't talk to me."

"You wanted to see my reaction to seeing someone truly insane." Roy stated lamely, "To see if I was going mental."

"Yes." Riza admitted sharply.

"And?" Roy asked, the question coming out harsher than he meant. She flinched, looking away, not answering, "Did I live up to your expectations?"

"Roy-" She began, "Its not like that."

"What do you want from me?" Roy asked tiredly, "Do you want me to shoot myself? Or actually start blowing spit bubbles? Would that make it easier for everyone?"

The casualty of flinging around the 's' word seemed to stun Riza into silence for a moment, her face darkening. Apparently joking about suicide when you had been previously suicidal wasn't kosher.

"You're depressed Roy. Everyone can see that. We all know it, you can't hide it. You stay in your house all day long and only leave to go to work. You don't talk to anyone anymore, you don't take care of yourself. You push people away that care about you. You don't want anyone's help." She rambled, "I just want to know, from you, is it more than depression? These angry outbursts like the way you talked to Havoc, they aren't normal from you."

"Nothing has been normal for a long time, Riza." Roy chided, "So expecting me to act normal isn't exactly realistic."

He wanted to tell her, though. Here she was opening herself to him. His heart tugged. Would she even be able to help him? What would be the point of telling her he was seeing things? _To have someone to talk to besides yourself._ He studied his half sandwich, the hunger flooding from him and he pushed it away disinterested.

"Havoc told me you seemed distracted."

Roy's gaze was attracted to the hallway at that moment, and he could see him again, standing there, shaking his head at him like _don't you fucking dare tell her. Don't you dare. _His ponytail swung softly with each shake of his head, and his severe frown was emphasizing the lines on his face of someone who had seen too much.

"What?" He asked, turning his attention back to the woman in front of him. She was watching him with a sad expression on her face, before she turned to look down the hallway and saw nothing, even though Edward was right there.

"What are you looking at?" She asked blankly.

"She's not going to help us, Roy." Edward stated, his voice low, on the defensive. "She'll just put you in a mental hospital."

A trace of anxiety flicked across Roy's face as he weighed his options. Deep down he knew that he shouldn't want to see Edward, that it was a sign that he was ill, but his heart pined for the other. Especially this version of Edward, the one that he had spent years and years, sheets and pillows, straws and kisses. He swallowed several times, his heart pounding. Knowing he was choosing sanity or insanity, Riza or Edward. And, he reasoned, since Edward was dead, maybe he should at least attempt to move forward.

"Edward." Roy whispered, unable to look at her, instead fixating his gaze on the blond alchemist who was glaring at him and leveling him with the same look of distrust and betrayal that he had years before, "I'm looking at Edward."


End file.
